What to Do When a Man Tells You He Has No Money

We all like to pretend money isn’t important. Talking about it feels tacky, and admitting you care about it feels even worse because you don’t want to seem materialistic.

But money impacts everything we do. It causes problems, and it fixes them.

So when a man you’re dating tells you he has no money, it’s normal to feel anxious and start worrying about where your relationship is headed.

In this post, I’ll break down what this means for your relationship and give you tips on what to do.

What It Means When a Man Tells You He Has No Money

When a man tells you he has no money, he’s telling you what to expect from him.

Some men will tell you this because they want to be honest about being broke. He’s between jobs, paying off debt, or recovering from a rough year, and he doesn’t want you planning a future around a lifestyle he can’t deliver. That takes courage, and props to him for being honest about his financial situation.

But regardless of his intentions, he just brought up a real problem. Even if he only says it once and never brings it up again, you now know his finances can’t support the relationship you want. That alone is a reason to reconsider the relationship.

On the other hand, some men use “I have no money” as a ready-made excuse. It sounds much better than “I don’t feel like planning dates” or “I’m not going to put in effort,” and it comes with built-in sympathy.

For others, it works as a test. If you rush to reassure him, offer to split everything, or drop your standards on the spot, he’ll figure out exactly how little he can offer you and still keep you around.

And sometimes the money conversation is an exit. For example, if you’ve been in a committed relationship for a while and money suddenly becomes the reason he can’t commit, he’s usually done with the relationship and looking for a way out that makes him look responsible and sensible.

How to Tell If He’s Broke or Just Using It as an Excuse

It can be hard to differentiate between a man in a genuine rough patch and a man who uses “broke” as an excuse for his lack of effort.

Here’s how to tell them apart:

• He has money for what matters to him. He can’t afford a dinner date, but the new sneakers, gaming setup, and nights out with his friends keep coming.
• There’s no plan, only complaints. A man in a temporary situation talks about it like it’s temporary: “I’m paying off my credit card debt by this summer” or “I’ve got two interviews lined up.” A man who’s been broke for years just complains and changes nothing.
• His effort disappeared with his wallet. Cooking you dinner, planning a picnic, being there for you when you need him — none of that costs a cent. If the effort vanished along with the money, money was never the real problem.
• “Broke” always comes with a request. Sooner or later, the announcements turn into hints. For example, he needs help with rent this month, he’ll pay you back for dinner, or he forgot his wallet again. A man going through a genuinely rough patch cuts back on his own spending, instead of spending your money.
• It only comes up when things get serious. If his finances only become a dealbreaker when marriage or other serious plans enter the conversation, the money is a cover story for something else.

SEE ALSO: 11 Signs He Is Making Excuses And What They Mean

What to Do When a Man Tells You He Has No Money

When a guy tells you he has no money, I’m not going to give you tips for motivating him or making the relationship work on a budget. My advice is simple: seriously reconsider whether you want to be in this relationship at all.

Here’s why.

A relationship is not a home renovation project

You’re an adult. You have bills, a job, and your own goals. And so should the man you’re dating.

But a lot of women make the mistake of turning a relationship into a project. They try to build a man up and help him reach his full potential.

Dating is supposed to be a pleasurable experience for you. It should not feel like a home renovation project.

I learned this the hard way. In my twenties, I was in a relationship with a man who was in and out of jobs, sometimes unemployed for long stretches. We couldn’t go on vacation, and rarely did anything special.

I didn’t get so much as a card on Valentine’s Day, and I pretended I was okay with all of it, because back then I prioritized everyone except myself. I wanted to be the low-maintenance girlfriend.

But deep down, it bothered me.

So I tried to help him improve his career, and I kept hoping he’d start looking for better work. However, he never did because he just wasn’t an ambitious, career-driven guy, and nothing I said was going to change that.

Women can inspire men to improve their circumstances, but this is a decision he has to make on his own. For example, he might see your success and ambition and realize he needs to invest in his own career or entrepreneurship if he wants to be with you long-term.

If his finances are a mess, he’s not in a position to date

Most people don’t date just for fun. They date because they want to get married, maybe even start a family, and you need money for all of that.

A man whose finances are falling apart should be putting his full attention on getting out of debt, finding a better job, and stabilizing his life. Not on finding a girlfriend.

Don’t be Mother Teresa or the Cool Girl

Somewhere along the way, women got convinced that caring about money makes them gold diggers.

So we overcorrect. We date broke men to prove we’re not materialistic, and we play the Cool Girl who never needs dates, gifts, or plans.

Let’s get real: we live in a material world, and materials are important. There’s nothing shallow about wanting a partner who can pay his own bills and contribute to the life you’re building together.

(Have you ever seen a man date a woman he’s not attracted to just to prove he’s not shallow? Exactly.)

So save the charity work for actual charities.

What Happens If You Stay With a Broke Man

Staying in a relationship with a broke man usually goes one of two ways:

1. You downgrade your lifestyle to match his. It starts small, e.g., you stop suggesting restaurants because you already know his answer, plan your birthday around his budget, and take your vacations alone or not at all. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter until one day you realize you’re unhappy with the life you settled for.
2. You start paying for him. I don’t recommend this because of how men are brought up and socially conditioned; a lot of them will end up resenting the woman who supports them. It’s often not even a conscious decision — he just feels like his masculinity is threatened, and the resentment builds from there.

That’s how my own story ended. My ex knew he was with somebody ambitious and career-driven, and it made him insecure. We didn’t break up because I demanded too much; I actually demanded almost nothing. We split up because I had big goals for my life and he knew he couldn’t keep up.

That can sound materialistic. It’s still the truth, and I know I’m not the only woman this has happened to.