What Does Breadcrumbing Mean And How You Can Recognize It

If you’re asking yourself what does breadcrumbing mean and how you can tell that you’re being breadcrumbed in a relationship, the answer is simple.

First of all, if you’re being breadcrumbed, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but… You’re not in a relationship.

This means someone is leading you on through scattered texts or other signals to make you believe they’re still interested in you.

Although not as severe as gaslighting or future faking, breadcrumbing still constitutes a manipulation strategy, since a person knowingly sends signals they’re interested although they have no intention of engaging in a relationship on a deeper level.

Unless you have strong standards and well-defined boundaries, especially when it comes to dating, it’s easy to be led on by someone you genuinely like.

Here are the major red flags to look out for and what you can do when you realize you’re getting breadcrumbed.

What Does Breadcrumbing Mean

If you read Hansel and Gretel as a child, then you already know the definition of breadcrumbing. A witch (in this case your romantic interest, or at the very least, Tinder match) leads Hansel and Gretel (you) inside her lair with the promise of sweets (random texts at 2 AM and other mixed signals).

The mixed messages are there to keep you “hooked” since most of us are used to clear signs of romantic (dis)interest and when we detect a lack of interest, we usually pull back.

However, when we’re faced with such confusing signals, our egos usually trick us into creating a story – one where we read too much into the little attention we receive, believing that the relationship we desire will soon materialize. As soon as the other person gets it together, that is.

Usually, this never happens because breadcrumbing is a form of emotional manipulation. Some individuals simply play a numbers game, others seek attention to feed their ego or are simply bored.

It’s also possible that the person you’re interested in has met someone else in the meantime, so they’ve decided to place you on the “back burner” in case their first choice falls through. Sounds terrible, I know.

Ultimately, the reason doesn’t matter – what matters is how you feel about it and whether you decide to tolerate that kind of behavior moving forward.

5 Signs Of Breadcrumbing

1. Plans constantly fall through

A telltale sign you’re dealing with a breadcrumber is the old “schedule and cancel” strategy. As the breadcrumbee (Is this even a word? Well it is now.) you are made to believe that they genuinely want to see you but something keeps magically popping up.

No one is that busy – especially not for a person they’re romantically interested in.

2. Plans are always vague

When you’re being led on, the other person might pop up every now and then with a vague text along the lines of “I want to see you,” or “We should do something”, only these plans never materialize.

3. You feel confused

What the above two breadcrumbing strategies ultimately lead to is confusion. One minute you think that this person is the real deal and the next you’re left wondering whether they forgot you even exist.

Once the confusion subsides, it’s not uncommon to feel angry or frustrated that your communication is constantly up in the air.

4. Mixed signals

If there’s arguably one thing worse than getting mixed signals in person, it’s mixed signals over text.

The other person might randomly pop up in your notifications bar like a Whack-A-Mole only to disappear in a cloud of smoke for a week. So what gives?

I’m a firm believer in allowing yourself to accept the very simple truth – there are no mixed signals, only signals we deliberately misinterpret to appease our ego.

Instead of continuing to lie to yourself, it’s best to understand that the other person is simply no longer interested. And that’s okay! People lose interest all the time.

Try not to dwell on the why’s and the how’s but rather try to accept that everyone is on a journey of their own, and sometimes that involves disappointing others as well.

5. All style, no substance

An interesting aspect of breadcrumbing interactions is the lack of any substance. You might have been talking to this person for a month or two, perhaps even gone on a couple of dates, but you still feel like you don’t know them.

That’s because there is no interest on their part to create a deeper connection – after all, that would take considerably more time and effort.

How To Respond To Breadcrumbing

Although I’m a big proponent of the delete and move on strategy, I realize not everyone is comfortable with this option.

However, allow me to make my case before you dismiss it outright.

Chances are high that you don’t know this person well – you probably met recently and things kicked off before abruptly cooling down.

Chances are also high that you might find it hard to ignore them when they do reach out, preventing you from moving on with your life.

This is not a judgment of you as a person – people generally have a hard time leaving such situations. We like to hold out hope that one day everything will change and your relationship will start moving in the right direction.

Spoiler alert – this is never going to happen. So why prolong the inevitable when you can just delete them off your social media right now?

What I am not going to suggest is confronting the person or asking them out so you could “talk about it”. In this scenario, you’re only funneling your energy into a situation that doesn’t deserve any. Why not redirect it to something more worthwhile?

Final Thoughts On The Overvaluing Of Digital Communication

As someone who defines themselves as one-half Millennial, one-half Gen Z, I’m well aware of all the intricacies of online dating and how digital communication plays into it.

Our generation has a tendency to overvalue online interactions, be it texting, liking posts, or reacting to an Instagram story. We read a lot into these often meaningless actions, which only sets us up for disappointment later on.

If you find yourself constantly finding excuses as to why someone can’t formulate a simple response to your text for days, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself why you accept this type of behavior and more importantly, why you justify it.