The Third Date Dilemma: Should You Go To A Man’s House?

Three things are certain in life: death, taxes, and that a man will invite you over to his place on the third date to watch a movie. (He actually wants to sleep with you.)

Jokes aside, the third date does carry importance in the relationship world. If you need proof, look no further than the many articles that show up when you type “third date” into Google search.

So, should you accept an invitation to hang out at his place on the third date? Or at any point in the early dating stage?

Why you should not go to a guy’s place on the third date

You shouldn’t go to a man’s house on the third date because it’s not safe. Although there are many women who do this often and nothing terrible happens, I still believe the risks are simply too high.

Before you have a knee-jerk reaction, allow me to make my case. I started this blog to provide women with dating advice that benefits us and prioritizes our safety.

So while it’s your prerogative to date however you want to, this blog will never promote Cosmopolitan-style, cookie-cutter advice like “Do whatever feels right!”

Here’s why you should think twice before going to a man’s place on the third date or at any point in the early dating stages:

1. This man is still a literal stranger

If you met this man on a dating app, going to his place when you’ve only had a few dates is a gamble with your safety and well-being at stake.

It doesn’t matter if he seems sweet, has a respectable job, or acts like a total gentleman. You don’t know him. Don’t let your sex drive or desire to find a romantic partner cloud your common sense.

There are some exceptions, however. If this man is a friend of a friend, or if you’ve known each other for a longer period of time, then the risk is lower. He has a reputation to uphold, and you might already know him well enough to trust him.

2. You’re at a higher risk of sexual assault

A third of women worldwide have experienced sexual or physical violence by an intimate partner.

Sticking our heads in the sand regarding such painful, widespread experiences only hurts more women. We abandon our self-preservation, ignore the risks we’re exposed to when dating, and act in a way that doesn’t prioritize our safety.

If your dating experiences so far have been positive and free from abuse, I am happy for you and hope you never experience this type of trauma.

However, your lack of negative experiences isn’t proof that you’re immune to them, or that it’s safe for women to be alone with a man they barely know.

Sexual trauma comes with a lot of shame, which means many women remain silent about the painful events that happened in their past. And because we don’t talk about these experiences, we make the wrong conclusion that sexual assault is rare and even worse – that it doesn’t happen on dates.

Predators don’t walk around with a sign on their forehead that says they’ll hurt you. They are often charming, educated men who know exactly what to say and do to earn a woman’s trust. They might even pretend to have feminist beliefs to further disarm you.

This is not to say you should walk around terrified of men. But you shouldn’t swing toward the other extreme either, which is blind trust.

Take a month or two to get to know this man, pay attention to any low-key red flags, and speak your mind when something goes against your values.

3. He will try to get intimate

Depending on your sexual boundaries, sleeping with someone this early on could be exactly what you want. If this is you, feel free to scroll past this section.

However, if you have weak boundaries and prefer to wait before having sex, don’t accept an invitation to a guy’s place. Most of the time, this is just code for a booty call. (If you try to call him out on this though, he will probably deny it.)

By going over to his place, you could end up in a situation where you agree to sleep with him because you’re too afraid or uncomfortable to say no.

You might subconsciously feel like you owe this man your body just because he took you out on a couple of dates. But both you and your body deserve better sexual experiences that don’t leave you feeling used the next day.

Women who are only interested in a serious relationship (and none of that situationship BS) will also benefit from waiting before sleeping with a man.

I wrote about it extensively in a previous blog post, but the short version is that by waiting, you’ll weed out men who pretend to want commitment just to sleep with you.

4. You deserve a better date

If you’re trying to raise your dating standards, you’ll have to say goodbye to dates at home for one simple reason. Home dates are lazy.

If you live in a big city where there are tons of options for shared activities, I guarantee you can find things to do that are more fun than sitting on a man’s couch and watching TV.

Also, don’t be duped by him offering to cook you dinner. If the two of you make it past the early dating stage, he’ll have plenty of opportunities to show his culinary abilities. Until then, restaurants are a perfectly good alternative.

Why do women say yes to home dates?

Not all women have the same dating preferences, so I decided to ask some of my female Instagram followers to see if they would say yes to a third date at a guy’s house.

Here are the results based on 21 responses:

• 14% of women selected “yes”
• 14% of women selected “no”
• 43% of women selected “It depends on our ‘vibe’”
• 29% of women selected “It depends on how long we’ve known each other”

Interestingly, “vibes” are the top reason why some women would consider going to a man’s place on the third date. To unpack this, we first need to define what vibes mean.

“Vibes” is just a vague way of saying you have sexual chemistry with someone. This nebulous term masks the fact that your connection is still very superficial.

Sexual chemistry is a famously poor judge of character, even if it is based on more than just physical attraction. It’s important to be aware of this because it will help you avoid getting lost in the fantasy of a relationship that doesn’t exist yet.

There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to someone, but we should be careful when assigning special meaning to feelings that are mostly fueled by a physical response.

Need more dating advice?

Below are my recommended readings to help you have a positive dating experience:

• 20 Red Flags When Talking To Someone On A Dating App
• What Is Future Faking And 5 Ways You Can Avoid It
• Do You Suffer From Cool Girl Syndrome? Here’s How To Let It Go

Feel free to browse the relationship category for more reading material.