When Should You Stop Giving The Benefit Of The Doubt?

Going through life assuming everyone has bad intentions is no way to live. But when should you stop giving the benefit of the doubt – and start cutting people off?

There’s a fine line between being open and understanding and being a doormat. While putting yourself out there and being emotionally available is important, you should also draw boundaries and set standards around how you expect to be treated.

If you’re in a situation where someone has disappointed you with their actions, and you’re wondering whether to give them the benefit of the doubt, you’ve come to the right place.

Here are 4 signs you should stop giving the benefit of the doubt.

When to stop giving the benefit of the doubt

1. There is no remorse

If you’re constantly giving someone the benefit of the doubt even though they’re not apologetic, I’m going to need you to stop.

It’s one thing to forgive when the person has shown remorse and willingness to change. But it’s a different ball game when they bulldoze past their hurtful actions as if nothing had happened.

In this case, making allowances for their poor behavior only hurts you in the long run. It’s likely they don’t respect or value you – otherwise, they would at least have the decency to apologize.

2. Your intuition is telling you not to

Listening to your intuition may sound like a vague concept if you’ve never practiced tuning in to your body before. Try to think of it as exploring how you really feel without judgment, instead of rationalizing your way out of your emotions.

On a subconscious level, we’re constantly receiving cues from our environment. Your body might have picked up on something you’re not cognizant of yet.

Nevertheless, this will cause you to feel a certain type of way. You might experience anxiety, anger, confusion, or just a general feeling that something’s off.

At this point, I can’t overemphasize the importance of trusting yourself.

I can’t tell you how many times I convinced myself I was overreacting when in fact, my subconscious was sending me signals that a particular situation was a red flag festival and that I needed to get out.

Instead of exploring those signals, I told myself I was exaggerating, only to realize later that my body was right all along.

When in doubt, I recommend journaling. If you need a prompt, you can answer this question: “How do I really feel about this situation?”, and let your thoughts flow.

Don’t restrict yourself or worry about the quality of your writing – this is not a competition.

Just be honest with yourself and trust that whatever comes out on paper are your true emotions. And when you act in a way that honors them, you can’t go wrong.

3. This is a repeating pattern

“Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a habit.”

If there’s someone in your life who has been repeatedly showing you their true colors, it’s time to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt. They showed you who they are – believe them.

There’s no reason for you to wait until they come to their senses and change. The chances of that happening are low (people rarely change for someone else) and you deserve more than constant disappointment from your relationships.

4. You barely know this person

Sometimes in our quest to assume positive intent and believe in the kindness of strangers, we forget to keep our boundaries in mind, making excuses for a person we barely know.

When you’re dealing with strangers, people who only recently entered your life, it’s perfectly valid to stop giving the benefit of the doubt when their behavior causes alarms to go off.

Should you always give benefit of the doubt?

When giving the benefit of the doubt, use your common sense. Not everyone deserves for you to overlook their poor behavior. Be on the lookout for covert red flags that could indicate a bigger issue.

While there’s no need for excessive suspicion, you shouldn’t throw caution to the wind either. When something happens that bugs you, address it. When you feel disrespected, voice it.

Don’t forget to take into account how long you’ve known this person. Have they even earned the benefit of the doubt?

Your trust should not be given away just like that. If you’re making allowances for relative strangers, you’re providing fertile ground for manipulators to take advantage of you.

So you gave the benefit of the doubt to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Now what?

From time to time, people are going to disappoint you. It’s a part of life, and you’re not responsible for the actions of others.

However, if you continue entertaining clownery in spite of your common sense, take some time to reflect on why you keep going down this path.

Perhaps you’re so used to abandoning yourself in relationships that you don’t allow yourself to even acknowledge the warning signs.

Or maybe you suffer from limiting beliefs about your self-worth that trick you into thinking you don’t deserve to be treated right.

Whenever you’re disappointed by the actions of a loved one, there’s an opportunity for self-discovery – especially if certain scenarios keep repeating in your life.

You might feel tempted to give in to bitterness and resentment, and that’s normal, but don’t stay in that place forever.

And the next time you’re faced with giving someone the benefit of the doubt, give yourself some time to really process your decision before making it.

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