10 Situationship Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

If you’re under the age of thirty and have never been in a situationship, you can consider yourself lucky.

In the digital age, it’s easier than ever before to get sucked into a sexual relationship that feels like it could turn into something more… only it never does.

Thankfully, situationship red flags are easy to spot once you know what you’re looking for – no need to be a relationship expert.

Here’s a summary of red flags that indicate you’re in a situationship:

1. Plans are always last-minute

The effort that goes into scheduling a date ahead of time is not something to ignore.

It’s a gesture that says: “I care enough about you to make sure we see each other on a regular basis.”

Someone who is eager to spend time with you is going to suggest future plans regularly, even if it’s something as simple as going to see a movie after work.

If the person you’re seeing only hits you up at the last minute, this is a major situationship red flag. Or at the very least, a sign they’re not that into you.

2. And you always end up in bed

If sex is the only activity the two of you engage in on a consistent basis, then you have a friends-with-benefits situation on your hands – not a committed relationship.

Many people mistakenly hope that the relationship will naturally progress into something more over time, but the chances of this happening are slim.

If it’s been a month or two and you’re still not making any steps toward a serious relationship, that’s a warning sign to take note of.

At the beginning of a relationship, partners are usually most eager to spend time together, which also includes doing things outside of the bedroom.

If you’re at this stage and find that the only dates you go on are late-night hook-up calls, then… it’s a situationship.

3. Your relationship status is undefined… and it’s been months

No one wants to initiate the “What Are We” talk.

But in this day and age, assuming you’re in an exclusive relationship without ever broaching the subject means you could be setting yourself up for disappointment.

If you find that your romantic feelings are growing but you still feel uncertain about the official title of your relationship, it’s a valid reason to finally discuss it.

I know that there are a lot of people in healthy relationships who never had The Talk. But that’s mostly because there were other strong indicators of commitment that made the conversation unnecessary.

4. They’re breadcrumbing you

When someone is breadcrumbing you, they’re giving you just enough attention and affection to keep you hanging on.

Breadcrumbing interactions are often superficial and give you the illusion of intimacy. But when you look closer, you realize you don’t know this person at all.

The other person might disappear for days at a time, then resurface as though nothing has happened.

They keep making vague plans to make you feel like they’re still interested in you but when you ask for specifics, they only respond with “I’ll let you know” or something equally unclear.

5. They’re emotionally unavailable

Although emotionally unavailable people are able to be in serious relationships, they’re more likely to seek out situationships.

This scenario gives them the best of both worlds – all the benefits of companionship and sexual intimacy without any of the commitment and responsibility.

Emotional unavailability might manifest as shrugging off “serious” conversations about the future. The person might even tell you point-blank that they’re not looking for anything serious.

You might also feel like the relationship is one-sided and that you’re getting very little back in terms of effort and affection.

6. You feel confused

Are you feeling so confused in your new “relationship” that you’re frantically scouring the internet for dating advice?

In this case, pay close attention to where this lack of clarity is coming from.

Confusion is a major situationship red flag. It’s a sign that there’s a disconnect between reality and what you’re telling yourself about your situation.

In other words, you’re probably lying to yourself.

When we get emotionally invested early on, we’re more likely to make excuses for flaky behavior which sends a powerful message about the other person’s intentions. Actions always speak louder than words.

If they’re talking about how they’d love to take you on a weekend vacation but they’re MIA every time the weekend rolls around, know that the mismatch between their words and actions is a sign they’re not as committed as you think they are.

7. You’re putting in all the effort

One-sidedness is one of the most common red flags of situationships. In this scenario, you’re initiating the majority of texts, calls, and meet-ups. (I say meet-ups because I know you’re not going out on actual dates).

There’s probably a part of you that knows that if you pulled back, the relationship would fade out.

Because you’re desperate not to let this happen, you’re still enthusiastically replying to the driest texts and saying “No worries” when they tell you they’re too busy to see you for the umpteenth time.

8. They’re still dating others

When you’re still in the early stages of dating, it’s normal to continue seeing other people. You shouldn’t expect commitment from someone you barely know.

However, if you and your boo have been involved for months without defining the relationship, and you find out they’re still using their dating apps and seeing other people, you’re in a major situationship.

9. You haven’t met their family or friends

Let’s say you’ve been dating someone for a couple of months but you have yet to meet a single person from their friend group or family.

This is a strong indicator of a situationship unless your significant other is new in town and you’re the only person they are close to.

It’s normal to introduce your significant other to your loved ones once a relationship becomes more serious. And don’t trust anyone who calls you demanding when you ask why you haven’t met their friends after months of serious dating.

10. They say things like “I want a drama-free relationship”

Newsflash: all relationships come with drama.

What someone is actually saying when they claim they don’t want drama is that they expect you to go along with everything they do, without making a peep.

They don’t want you to have important conversations about the nature of your relationship, let alone any expectations. They don’t want any responsibility, only impunity to do what they want.

When someone tells you they don’t want drama, it’s in your best interest to move on ASAP. It shows immaturity and an inability to commit.

When should you end a situationship?

You should end a situationship the moment you notice it’s impacting your emotional wellbeing.

You don’t deserve to feel anxious, frustrated, unwanted, or unloved because someone doesn’t want to commit to you.

Sometimes it’s difficult to leave situationships because we become attached, and that’s normal. But you should know that situationships rarely go anywhere and that the other person is only involved with you because you’ve made it so convenient.

You don’t ask tough questions about commitment and even if you do, you accept their half-baked answers about how they don’t like labels or whatever excuse they come up with.

If you’re not emotionally attached and happy to keep things up in the air, then by all means feel free to remain in the situationship. Just be careful not to delude yourself into thinking this is what you want, when in fact you want commitment.

How do you emotionally detach from a situationship?

You can move on from your situationship by treating it like any other break-up. Have a frank conversation with the other person and let them know your current arrangement is no longer working for you.

Don’t give ultimatums – someone who hasn’t committed to you even though they had plenty of time to do so will not commit regardless of the threats you make.

To make sure you don’t fall back into your old patterns, delete their number and remove them from social media so that you’re not tempted to reach out to them the next time you feel lonely.

I always recommend blocking your ex, since this guarantees they can’t get in touch with you post-break-up and undo all the progress you’ve made so far.

Ignoring situationship red flags comes at a cost

There is no difference between a situationship and a casual, no-strings-attached relationship.

But people who usually call their casual arrangement a situationship hold out hope it will turn into something serious. This rarely happens.

If someone truly wants to commit to you, they won’t leave any doubts regarding their intentions. You will NOT be confused.

Although it might make you uncomfortable, having a frank conversation about the future is the best way to get clarity on your situation.

In any case, it beats the alternative – ending up heartbroken over someone who never cared in the first place.

READ NEXT: Why Do You Always End Up In Situationships? (And How To Stop)