10 Situationship Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

If you’re under the age of thirty and have never been in a situationship, you can consider yourself lucky.

In the digital age, it’s easier than ever before to get sucked into a sexual relationship that feels like it could turn into something more… only it never does.

Thankfully, situationship red flags are easy to spot once you know what you’re looking for – no need to be a relationship expert.

Here’s a summary of red flags that indicate you’re in a situationship:

1. Your plans are always last-minute

If the person you’re seeing only hits you up at the last minute, this is a major situationship red flag. Or at the very least, a sign they’re not that into you.

The effort that goes into scheduling a date is not something you should ignore.

It’s a gesture that says: “I care enough about you to make sure we see each other on a regular basis.”

Someone who is eager to spend time with you is going to suggest future plans regularly, even if it’s something as simple as going to see a movie after work.

On the other hand, a situationship thinks of you as a last resort, so they’ll only reach out when their other plans fall through and they have nothing better to do.

2. Your relationship is mostly sexual

If sex is the only activity the two of you engage in on a consistent basis, then you have a friends-with-benefits situation on your hands – not a committed relationship.

Many people mistakenly hope that the relationship will naturally progress into something more over time, but the chances of this happening are slim.

If it’s been a month or two and you’re still not making any steps toward a serious relationship, that’s a warning sign.

At the beginning of a relationship, partners are usually most eager to spend time together, which also includes doing things outside of the bedroom.

If you’re at this stage and find that the only dates you go on are late-night hook-up calls, then… it’s a situationship.

3. Your relationship status has been undefined for months

A clear situationship red flag is when you’ve been dating someone for months but you still feel confused about the status of your relationship.

There could be two scenarios at play here:

• You had “The Talk” and they told you they need more time to figure out where they stand.
• You didn’t have “The Talk”, their behavior is hot-and-cold and you feel confused about your relationship most of the time.

If you find that your romantic feelings are growing but you still feel uncertain about the official title of your relationship, it’s a valid reason to finally get to the bottom of the situation.

If they still don’t want to commit, you have every right to walk away. You want to be with someone who can’t wait to take you off the market — not someone who needs months to figure out whether they want to be in a relationship with you or not.

Important note: I know that there are a lot of people in healthy relationships who never had The Talk. But that’s mostly because there were other strong indicators of commitment that made the conversation unnecessary.

4. They’re breadcrumbing you

When someone is breadcrumbing you, they’re giving you just enough attention and affection to keep you hanging on.

For example, they might disappear for days or weeks, then call you late one night and talk to you for hours. The next day, you sleep together and they go MIA again.

Or, they might hint at introducing you to their friends or family but never make specific plans to make it happen.

Whatever form it takes, breadcrumbing is designed to trick you into thinking your relationship has potential, despite all the red flags you’re seeing. And it prevents you from walking away, even though that’s exactly what you should be doing.

5. They’re emotionally unavailable

Although emotionally unavailable people are able to be in serious relationships, they’re more likely to seek out situationships.

This scenario gives them the best of both worlds – all the benefits of companionship and sexual intimacy without any of the commitment and responsibility.

Emotional unavailability might manifest as shrugging off “serious” conversations about the future. The person might even tell you point-blank that they’re not looking for anything serious.

You might also feel like the relationship is one-sided and that you’re getting very little back in terms of effort and affection.

6. You feel confused

Are you feeling so confused in your new “relationship” that you’re frantically scouring the internet for dating advice?

In this case, pay close attention to where this lack of clarity is coming from.

Confusion is a major situationship red flag. It’s a sign that there’s a disconnect between reality and what you’re telling yourself about your relationship.

In other words, you’re probably lying to yourself.

When we get emotionally invested early on, we’re more likely to make excuses for flaky behavior which sends a powerful message about the other person’s intentions. Actions always speak louder than words.

If they’re talking about how they’d love to take you on a weekend vacation but they’re MIA every time the weekend rolls around, know that the mismatch between their words and actions is a sign they’re not as committed as you think they are.

7. You’re putting in all the effort

One-sidedness is one of the most common red flags that you’re in a situationship. In this scenario, you’re initiating the majority of texts, calls, and meet-ups. (I say meet-ups because I know you’re not going out on actual dates).

There’s a part of you that knows that if you pulled back, the relationship would end.

And you’re desperate to prevent this from happening. So you’re still enthusiastically replying to the driest texts and saying “No worries” when they tell you (once again) that they’re too busy to see you.

8. They’re still dating other people

When you’re still in the early stages of dating, it’s normal to continue seeing other people. You shouldn’t expect commitment from someone you barely know.

However, if you and your boo have been involved for months without defining the relationship, and you find out they’re still using their dating apps and seeing other people, you’re in a major situationship.

9. You haven’t met their family or friends

Let’s say you’ve been dating someone for a couple of months but you have yet to meet a single person from their friend group or family.

This is a strong indicator of a situationship unless your significant other is new in town and you’re the only person they are close to.

It’s normal to introduce your significant other to your loved ones once a relationship becomes more serious. And don’t trust anyone who says you’re demanding when you ask why you haven’t met their friends after months of serious dating.

10. They say things like “I want a drama-free relationship”

Newsflash: all relationships come with drama.

What someone is actually saying when they claim they don’t want drama is that they expect you to go along with everything they do, without making a peep.

They don’t want you to have important conversations about the nature of your relationship, let alone any expectations. They don’t want any responsibility, only freedom to do what they want.

When someone tells you they don’t want drama, it’s in your best interest to move on ASAP. It shows immaturity and an inability to commit.

When should you end a situationship?

You should end a situationship the moment you notice it’s impacting your emotional wellbeing.

You don’t deserve to feel anxious, frustrated, unwanted, or unloved because someone doesn’t want to commit to you.

Sometimes it’s difficult to leave situationships because we become attached, and that’s normal. But you should know that situationships rarely go anywhere and that the other person is only involved with you because you’ve made it so convenient.

You don’t ask tough questions about commitment and even if you do, you accept their half-baked answers about how they don’t like labels or whatever excuse they come up with.

If you’re not emotionally attached and happy to keep things up in the air, then by all means feel free to remain in the situationship. Just be careful not to delude yourself into thinking this is what you want, when in fact you want commitment.

How do you emotionally detach from a situationship?

You can move on from your situationship by treating it like any other break-up. Have a frank conversation with the other person and let them know your current arrangement is no longer working for you.

Don’t give ultimatums – someone who hasn’t committed to you even though they had plenty of time to do so will not commit regardless of the threats you make.

To make sure you don’t fall back into your old patterns, delete their number and remove them from social media so that you’re not tempted to reach out to them the next time you feel lonely.

I always recommend blocking your ex, since this guarantees they can’t get in touch with you post-break-up and undo all the progress you’ve made so far.

Ignoring situationship red flags comes at a cost

There is no difference between a situationship and a casual, no-strings-attached relationship.

But people who usually call their casual arrangement a situationship hold out hope it will turn into something serious. This rarely happens.

If someone truly wants to commit to you, they won’t leave any doubts regarding their intentions. You will NOT be confused.

Although it might make you uncomfortable, having a frank conversation about the future is the best way to get clarity on your situation.

In any case, it beats the alternative – ending up heartbroken over someone who never cared in the first place.

READ NEXT: Why Do You Always End Up In Situationships? (And How To Stop)

Situationship Red Flags FAQs

What are toxic behaviors in a situationship?

Situationships are characterized by all sorts of toxic behaviors, including breadcrumbing. This refers to behavior that provides just enough intimacy to get you to stay in the situationship, because it tricks you into thinking your partner might make a full commitment later on.

Breadcrumbing could be as simple as holding your hand in public to make you feel like your relationship is getting more serious. Or it could be more complex, like introducing you to their family members but still refusing to commit.

How long do situationships last?

Situationships typically last a couple of months. But if one partner has very low self-esteem, a situationship could go on for longer than a year. Generally, situationships end when one person meets someone they actually want to commit to or when they get sick of being strung along.

What is a healthy situationship?

There is no such thing as a healthy situationship. By definition, this is a relationship where boundaries of emotional intimacy and commitment are deliberately blurred.

One person usually controls and limits intimacy, while the other secretly hopes for things to get more serious. It’s an unhealthy dynamic where one partner gets all the benefits of a real relationship, without any of the responsibilities, while the other lives in fantasy land to mask the pain of not being in a committed relationship.

Can situationships be one-sided?

Situationships are always one-sided. One person is emotionally invested and hopes it will turn into a real relationship, while the other wants a casual relationship without having to be responsible for your feelings. If one person wasn’t emotionally invested, then you would call it a fling or a friends-with-benefits arrangement.

How should you end a situationship?

The best way to end a situationship is via phone or in-person. If it’s too difficult for you to have a live conversation, you can send a simple text that says your arrangement no longer works for you. There’s no need to send paragraphs of text explaining your feelings, just be straightforward and set your boundaries clearly.