Single In Your 20s? Here’s Why It’s A Good Thing

As a single woman in her 20s, I’m constantly exposed to messages that imply I should be doing everything in my power to find and keep a man. And I should do this as quickly as possible before I turn into the crypt keeper on my 30th birthday.

Today, I’d like to push back against this messaging for the sake of every other single woman and say that being single in your 20s can actually be a blessing.

A quick disclaimer, however. I don’t want to imply that singlehood is better (or worse) than being in a relationship. There is no right way to experience relationships in your 20s.

I believe that every life experience can be valuable  if we’re open to understanding the underlying patterns at play.

However, women often obsess about being single and see it as proof that they’re somehow failing in life.

Not only is this belief a blatant lie, but it’s also preventing you from seeing your situation through a more positive lens and embracing all the benefits of being single in such a transformative decade of your life.

You have more time to discover who you are

When you’re young and in a relationship, it’s easy to become consumed by the experience.

Your partner becomes your main focus, you make all of your major life decisions with them in mind, and you spend less time in solitude.

It can be challenging to uncover what you want or who you are when you’re so focused on another person.

Being alone nudges you in the direction of discovering your own happiness that isn’t related to your relationship.

Singlehood is also the perfect time to reevaluate and raise your relationship standards.

Think about the qualities and values you’d like your future partner to possess.

How do they treat you? What do you need in a relationship to be happy?

And if you haven’t already, you can identify your attachment style to better understand your feelings and behavior for when you are in a relationship.

SEE ALSO: How does disorganized attachment manifest in dating?

You’re free to make major life changes on a whim

One of the greatest gifts that singlehood has given me is the ability to make major life changes without factoring anyone else into the decision.

Earlier this year, for example, I decided I would leave the city where I had lived for 8 years and become a digital nomad.

The only person I had to consider in this decision was my roommate, but other than her, I didn’t have to consider anyone else. I simply informed them of my plans.

If I had been in a serious relationship, I would’ve had to discuss this with my partner.

We would have to decide if we are going to continue the relationship long-distance or if they would join me as I went from one country to the next.

I would have to consider their preferences for cities we would travel to, the accommodation we would stay in, and their work schedule.

The presence of another person would have also affected how I experienced those cities.

Because I was traveling alone, I was excited to meet new people, which led me to have some incredible experiences this year.

But with my significant other in the mix, I probably wouldn’t have been as eager to get out there and socialize.

You can invest more time into your friendships

Being single in your 20s gives you more time to focus on your friendships.

Friendships can be just as fulfilling as romantic relationships. While the intense love hormones are missing, there is a steady platonic connection that is just as valuable.

This is a period of your life when you can make lifelong friends, so take advantage of the opportunity.

If you are a good friend, many of your friendships will survive the various bumps in the road that life inevitably throws your way. And sometimes you’ll grow apart, which is also normal.

Regardless of how long your friendships last, they can also teach you plenty about yourself and how you expect to be treated by others, which will also help you have healthier romantic relationships later on.

You’re able to focus more on your career

Being single in your 20s allows you to zero in on your education, your first job, or your first business venture.

Right now, this might not seem fun compared to the joy you experience in a loving relationship. But your effort will pay off – take it from someone who’s been in your shoes.

Although being in a relationship won’t overtly hinder your career, you might subconsciously self-sabotage new career or education opportunities for the sake of your partner.

I’ve known people who turned down scholarships because they feared turning their relationship into a long-distance one. While this can be the right decision for some people, it’s also one that you might regret.

There’s no right way to go through your 20s

So embrace your present circumstances by choosing to focus on the positives rather than the negatives of singlehood.

Depending on where you live, you might be pressured to couple up and settle down by the time you turn 30.

You might question your self-worth and start thinking something is wrong with you. Feelings of envy rear their head and all you can do is focus on how being single is making you so unhappy.

It doesn’t help if all of your friends are in seemingly happy relationships, making you wonder if you’re destined to go through life on your own.

Recognizing the positive aspects of singlehood doesn’t mean you have to succumb to toxic positivity. However, you also don’t have to be miserable just because you’re not in a relationship.

Process your emotions, get curious about what they are telling you about your needs, and take this time to get clear on the kind of relationship you want.