8 Telltale Signs You’re Dating A Manipulator

Lying. Jealousy. Blame-shifting. There’s a seemingly endless number of signs you’re dating a manipulator.

This is no surprise – manipulators are crafty people and will play you like a fiddle if they get the chance.

Sadly, most people realize they were involved with a manipulative person only after some time has passed and they have a better perspective on the relationship.

Most manipulators reel you in with a charming persona that gradually disappears as your emotional attachment grows, which is why it’s so hard to leave even when you know you should.

Here, I’ll cover 7 telltale signs you’re in a relationship with a manipulative person and how you can respond to their behavior.

What Are The Signs Of Manipulative Behavior?

Manipulative behavior ranges from making you feel insecure to deflecting in arguments and accusing you of doing things that never happened, like cheating.

They cover a wide spectrum, making emotional manipulation so challenging to spot.

Here are the 7 signs of a manipulative relationship:

1. Their mask slips a few months in

Few manipulators enter relationships showing their true colors.

The more common scenario involves an individual who is charming, enthusiastic, and eager to show you how much they (already) care about you. Then, after a few months, the mask starts to slip.

Jealousy, control, or emotional blackmail rear their ugly head and you’re left confused. Where did the wonderful person you fell in love with go?

The truth is, they never existed. Many people, especially women, stay in relationships with manipulative partners because they hold out hope their partner will go back to how they used to be.

Obviously, this never happens. Instead, the manipulator sees your amenable attitude as a sign they can turn up the heat.

Unless you have strong boundaries, you’ll soon find yourself in a relationship where you have no voice and no agency – and you won’t have any idea how or when it happened.

This usually happens 3 to 6 months into the relationship but the timeline can vary.

2. Fast-forwarding

Manipulators love strategies like love bombing and future faking that trick you into thinking your relationship is much deeper than it is in reality.

In the early stages of dating, watch out for red flags like excessive complimenting, lavish gifts, and having serious conversations about the future that most couples have months or years into the relationship.

3. They make false accusations

Has your partner accused you of lying or cheating even though both of you know it’s not true? Making false accusations is one of the biggest signs you’re dating a manipulator.

It doesn’t matter whether they actually believe these accusations. What matters is that they’re putting you in a position where they are in control while you’re forced to defend yourself.

You might even resort to overexplaining your actions or texting them every 10 minutes when you’re apart just to avoid another fight.

As time passes, the manipulator might demand that you cut off your friends because they’re a “bad influence” and start controlling where you can go and when you’re allowed to leave your house.

Before long, you’ll find yourself in a situation where your emotionally manipulative boyfriend or girlfriend has taken over every aspect of your life. And the worst part is, you’ll have no one to turn to for help because they’ve isolated you from your loved ones.

4. They deflect in arguments

Confusing arguments that run in circles are one of the most glaring signs you’re dating a manipulator.

Also known as the narcissistic word salad, its main goal is to deflect from the point of the argument until you lose track of your thoughts and end up feeling so drained and confused that you let it go.

You might also find yourself explaining your arguments like you’re talking to a 5-year-old, which is not only incredibly frustrating but also makes you feel like you’re losing your mind.

Unless you’re aware that this is a manipulative strategy, it’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole of constant arguing that goes nowhere. You might come to believe that something is wrong with you and it could even escalate to gaslighting.

Don’t be fooled – your partner knows exactly what you’re talking about but they simply don’t care to hear it. All they’re really interested in is emotionally exhausting you into submission.

5. They disrespect you in subtle ways

Recently I read the story of a woman who was very frustrated by a seemingly innocuous problem.

Her boyfriend (who is very tall) always walks much faster than her and never adjusts his pace to accommodate her. When she communicated the problem, he dismissed her, refusing to change his behavior.

This is a serious covert red flag of a manipulative partner who subtly uses disrespect to put you down and chip away at your self-esteem.

It indicates that your partner is selfish and unwilling to make even the smallest changes to their behavior to resolve a problem that’s affecting you. Meaning, they don’t care about you – at all.

When you’re dating an emotionally abusive manipulator, having silly arguments about things like walking speed is the norm.

In a healthy relationship, there would be no discussion. Both parties are happy to accommodate the other. But to a manipulator, everything is a power struggle and they can never let you “win”.

Subtle disrespect can also manifest as snide comments about your appearance, interests, job – also known as negging – whose only goal is to lower your self-confidence and make you feel like you need to defend yourself.

6. They don’t take no for an answer

Picture this: it’s Wednesday night, you’re exhausted from work, and all you want to do is eat dinner and go to bed early.

But your partner wants you to join them for drinks in a bar halfway across town, and no matter how many times you say no or give a reason why you can’t go, they just won’t take no for an answer.

To every “no” they respond with a “why”, and to every “because…” they have a counter-argument, and you keep going in circles until someone either gives in or gets angry.

I’m a firm believer that regardless of who you’re talking to, only one “no” should be sufficient. If someone tries to push past a boundary I’ve just asserted, I take it as a red flag and proceed with caution.

If a person is unwilling to take “no” for an answer, they’re also likely to be manipulative in other ways that might manifest later on, so pay close attention.

7. Your life has become worse since you started dating

Sometimes, we’re unable to see the red flags for what they are, always finding a way to make excuses for our partner’s concerning behavior.

But there’s an easy way to check if you’re dating a manipulator: ask yourself whether your life has become better or worse since the beginning of your relationship.

Focus on how have you been feeling most of the time lately. Is your energy largely positive or negative? Is there an increase in anxiety or anger? How are your friendships? Have you clashed with other people as a result of your relationship?

When all is said and done, a relationship is supposed to make your life better, not worse. If you realize that you were more peaceful prior to meeting your partner, you should take a closer look at why and how things changed.

8. They make you feel insecure

In a healthy relationship, the couple is supposed to treat each other with love and respect which naturally nurtures confidence.

But if feelings of insecurity have become an issue for you lately, it’s time to examine whether your new partner has played a role in this emotional change.

Many people would say that insecurities are a problem that no one else but you should be responsible for. I disagree.

It’s absolutely possible for a confident individual to become plagued with self-doubt as a result of their partner’s manipulative behavior – and they are not to blame.

How Does A Manipulator Act When Confronted?

Confronting a manipulator is like arguing with a wall.

In other words, it’s pointless.

A manipulator’s defense mechanisms include stonewalling (refusing to engage in the discussion), deflecting, and accusing you of “nagging” and “complaining for no reason”.

A manipulative person will rarely (if ever) admit fault. And if they do, chances are slim they’ll improve their behavior.

In this case, responding is all about setting boundaries and recognizing when it’s time to step away for the sake of your sanity. And remember that it isn’t likely you’ll get the answers or the closure you want.

Final Thoughts On Signs You’re Dating A Manipulator

When deciding whether you should break up with your manipulative boyfriend or girlfriend, I’d like you to keep the following in mind – don’t lie to yourself.

Don’t lie to yourself about your happiness, your relationship, your standards and boundaries, and the qualities of the person you’re dating.

Take off the rose-colored glasses and ask yourself: How does this relationship benefit me? And how does it hurt me?

Be in your own corner. Don’t accept disrespect. And don’t abandon yourself just to get breadcrumbs of love and affection – you deserve the whole loaf!

READ NEXT: When Should You Stop Giving The Benefit Of The Doubt?

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