10 Clear Signs He is Serious About You

How do you know if a guy is serious about you? It’s the million-dollar question.

Most women date to find a long-term relationship, but the biggest dating challenge today is avoiding wishy-washy men who aren’t serious about commitment. However, this doesn’t make finding a serious relationship impossible.

While every relationship is unique, there are some definite signs that he is serious about you in the early dating stages.

I’ve dated my fair share of men in my 30+ years on Earth, so I have plenty of first-hand experience to share. But I’ve also reached out to other dating experts to get their thoughts.

In this blog, we’ll break down all of these signs to help you know what to look for.

Disclaimer: This blog post was written by a real human being (me!), not AI.

1. Consistency

When a man really likes you, he’s going to be consistent across the board. This includes texting, phone calls, planning dates, and making good on his promises.

The reason? He doesn’t want to risk losing you.

When dating coach Aimee Lotus met her fiancé, his consistency set him apart from the men she dated in the past:

“Some guys from the apps would text every week, but he messaged me every day from the day we met. Checking in on how I was, just sending a message to say he was thinking of me, planning our next date. It never came with desperation or expecting me to message him back in a certain time frame. Just energy that said, ‘I’m here, I’m interested, and I’m willing to show it every day.'”

Consistency also comes with clarity. You won’t feel confused about whether he’s interested or not because his behavior is making his intentions clear.

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2. He Takes You Out on Actual Dates

Men who are serious about you want to impress you. So forget about “walk dates” or “Netflix and chill.”

He’ll put in effort to make reservations at restaurants that serve the kind of food you like, plan activities you’ll enjoy, and generally try to make you feel special.

He wants to make it clear that he wants you to have a good time, and leave any potential competition in the dust.

3. He Doesn’t Rush Physical Intimacy

At some point in the past 10 years, it became normal to expect sex on the third date or even earlier.

But guys who are serious about you will not try to rush physical intimacy because they don’t want you to think that’s all they’re after.

They will match your pace, and if you say you’d like to wait, he will do so without protest — no matter how long the waiting period.

From experience, I know this is one of the best dating filters when dating men. Waiting at least two to three months before being physically intimate weeds out men who are only interested in your body.

4. He Rises to Your Standards

A guy might not meet all of your high standards right off the bat. But if he wants a serious relationship with you, he will do his best to rise to the challenge.

For example, one of my close friends started dating a guy who did everything right.

But he was following a lot of women on Instagram, and this made her uncomfortable. On the other hand, he seemed like a great guy, so she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and have a direct conversation about his following list.

It turns out these were women he had dated or talked to in the past, and never removed from his following list. But once she communicated that this was a deal-breaker, he removed all of them and assured her she was the only woman he was dating.

5. He Makes Room for You in His Life

We all lead busy lives, but when someone is really falling for you, they will create space for you.

Dating coach and author Lauren Josephine says:

“One of the most clear signs a man is serious about you is that he prioritizes you within his life. Men reveal their interest based on how they spend their time. A man who’s truly interested and devoted will start to shape his time around you. A man just looking for convenience will fit you into his schedule as works best for him.”

Talia Koren, dating expert and podcaster, also recommends you pay attention to whether he’s integrating you into his life:

“Do they want you to meet their friends? Do they invite you to things they enjoy doing, like their favorite hobby or activity? And do they think of you when planning for the short term future?”

On the opposite end of the spectrum, men who aren’t very serious about you are usually selfish and demand that you adjust to their schedule. And they don’t try to include you in their life.

6. He Becomes Interested in Your Interests

A man who wants to commit to you takes your interests seriously because it allows him to get to know you on a deeper level.

For example, I’m vegan, and my non-vegan boyfriend constantly looks for new recipes and restaurants for us to try. He doesn’t complain about not eating meat or dairy or, God forbid, try to argue with me about veganism.

Generally, it’s a huge red flag when a man makes fun of your interests because it means he doesn’t care about your feelings or what makes you happy.

7. Emotional Intimacy Builds Gradually

Men who aren’t serious about you love-bomb you to get what they want, then ghost. Or they come on very strong, pull away, come back, and keep the cycle going until one of you gets sick of it.

Neither builds emotional intimacy.

To build emotional intimacy, you need consistency and time. It can’t be faked, which is why it’s missing from situationships and relationships that go nowhere.

8. You Feel Safe Around Him

You can be excited, stressed, tired, angry — and his behavior doesn’t change. He gives you emotional and physical safety. You know you can talk to him about anything, and he won’t laugh or dismiss you.

And if he’s stressed or moody, he doesn’t take it out on you.

9. He Doesn’t Try to Change You

When a man is serious about you, he accepts you as you are. He won’t tell you how to dress, what to eat, how to do your hair, or who to spend time with.

In short, he takes a page out of Mr. Darcy’s book from Bridget Jones:

Obviously, this doesn’t give you a blank check to be horrible without consequence. But your boyfriend shouldn’t try to turn you into someone else or lower your self-esteem.

10. He Is Initiating

Often, women end up in unsatisfying relationships with men who put in zero effort because they did the chasing. Meanwhile, he’s coasting and enjoying all the benefits of a relationship without having to lift a finger.

Sometimes women are afraid to let a guy initiate because they “don’t want to play games” or seem aloof. But leaning back and letting him initiate actually shows you he is serious about you.

Men are conditioned from a young age to pursue the women they like. It’s embedded in movies, music, and culture. As long as you reciprocate his interest, he’ll know you’re into him and keep initiating.

Dating coach Niko Emanuilidis says it’s okay for women to reach out to guys around 30% of the time in the early dating stages. So it’s totally okay for you to send the occasional text or suggest plans, but don’t do all the work for him.

In fact, this is why women who are Black Cats tend to have better relationships — they give men space to show their interest instead of overcompensating.

Let a Man Show You He is Serious About You

Over the years, I’ve observed that women can’t find a serious relationship because they don’t pay enough attention to behavior.

The truth is, most men will reveal their true intentions within the first two to three months of dating.

But this also means you need to let go of making excuses, diagnosing him with avoidant attachment, or hoping he’ll turn into your dream man if you just try hard enough. Just let him do his thing, and his actions will do the talking.

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Learn from my actual dating experiences and get my unfiltered reactions to whatever dating trend is going around this week. All of it lives on my Patreon.

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