11 Signs He Is Making Excuses And What They Mean

He was supposed to come to your friend’s birthday dinner, but something came up at work. He moved the mini vacation you planned to “sometime next month.” And tonight’s date? He’s exhausted, and he promises he’ll make it up to you.

In isolation, each excuse sounds reasonable. That’s what makes the signs he is making excuses so hard to spot — you end up judging every excuse individually instead of looking at the whole picture.

Here are 11 crystal clear signs he is making excuses in your relationship that are also a signal he isn’t committed to you.

1. His Excuses Never Come With an Alternative

When something genuinely gets in the way, men will offer a different plan. He can’t do Friday, so he suggests Sunday. His place is a mess, so he books a restaurant instead.

But an excuse just ends the plan. He doesn’t plan a different date or offer you alternatives.

So pay attention to what happens after the “sorry, I can’t.” A man who wants to spend time with you treats a conflict as a problem to solve, but a man making excuses treats it as the end of the conversation.

2. He’s “Busy,” but His Life Doesn’t Look Busy

He doesn’t have time to see you, yet he found time for the gym, playing video games with his friends, and three Instagram stories.

Nobody is busy 24/7. People are busy for specific people and free for the ones they want around.

If his schedule has room for everything except you, you’re not very high on his list of priorities.

SEE ALSO: Is He Really Busy or Not Interested? (12 Ways to Tell)

3. You Feel Confused

Women usually feel a lie before they can explain it. With a fake excuse, that feeling is confusion.

A genuine excuse makes you feel disappointed. You wish the plans had worked out, but the reason makes sense. But a fake excuse leaves you confused and stuck on the details, wondering why this thing is an issue at all.

Here’s an example. I was in a relationship where I was finally supposed to meet his parents, and they were supposed to have known about the visit for a week. Then he canceled at the last minute, and when I asked why, he told me they had to clean the entire house.

I remember hearing that excuse and feeling completely lost. If they knew I was coming, why were they cleaning the day of? I asked him that question, and the whole story fell apart. It was a lie, and the confusion had told me so before I could prove it.

If the house had really been the problem, there was an easy fix — lunch reservations somewhere in town. But there was no alternative.

So when his explanation leaves you thinking “wait, this doesn’t add up,” follow that feeling and ask questions. If the answers don’t satisfy you, it’s very likely he’s lying.

4. His Excuses Only Work in One Direction

A tell-tale sign he is making excuses is that he does the very thing he can’t do with you, just in different circumstances.

For example, he’s too tired for dinner with your friends, but somehow never for a night out with his.

Or, the weekend trip you suggested was too expensive in the same month he bought new golf clubs.

And the man who’s too busy and tired for a proper date is wide awake texting you at 1 a.m.

5. The Timing is Never Right

Some excuses come with an expiration date that keeps being postponed:

• “Once this work project wraps up.”
• “After the holidays, things will calm down.”
• “When my living situation is sorted out.”
• “Next year will be different.”

This is an easy way for him to keep you on the back burner, because you’ll also hesitate to suggest doing things in the meantime. So the entire relationship will be on his terms, and you’ll have no expectations.

6. He Blames His Past Instead of Doing Anything About It

Every man who loves making excuses has a story, whether it’s a messy breakup, a crazy ex, or parents who never showed him what a healthy relationship looks like.

That’s not to say that men can’t be traumatized by their pasts. But a man who’s serious about healing does something about it by going to therapy or at least going the self-help route.

A man who’s using his past as an excuse just needs you to expect less of him while he changes nothing.

7. His Excuses Require You to Compromise Too Much

He’s told you he’s bad at texting, that he’s not good with feelings, and that he gets awkward around new people — which is why he skipped drinks with your friends. Again.

And he also expects you to get used to fewer texts, need less emotional support, and stop inviting him to things, while he carries on exactly as before.

Relationships need a level of compromise, but some things are the bare minimum. Don’t let a low-effort man trick you into expecting nothing from him, especially when it comes to putting in effort into your relationship. If you fall for these excuses, you’ll be stuck in a relationship where he happily coasts, gets all the relationship benefits, and gives nothing in return.

8. He Gets Defensive When You Confront Him

You ask a normal question like, “You said we’d plan the trip this month, what happened?” and he treats it like an interrogation.

Men usually get very defensive when they know they’re playing games but don’t want to get caught. He might also try to put the blame on you or accuse you of pressuring him.

9. He Apologizes but Nothing Changes

He knows he’s been flaky. He says he feels terrible about missing your cousin’s wedding, and he’ll absolutely make the next one.

Then the next wedding comes, along with a new excuse and the same apology.

An apology only means something when the behavior behind it changes. Without that, you’re getting the same excuse in nicer packaging.

10. There’s Always a Reason the Relationship Can’t Level Up

You haven’t met his friends because they’re “a lot,” he’s postponed the trip twice now, and dinner with his family never makes it onto the calendar.

Each delay comes with a plausible reason, but put them together and they show you exactly where he’s decided the relationship stops.

Here’s why this matters so much. Meeting the people in his life is a bigger commitment signal than anything he says to you in private. Once his friends and family know you, the relationship becomes real in his world — people ask about you, expect you at gatherings, and notice when you’re suddenly gone.

A man who keeps you away from all of that is keeping the relationship easy to walk away from. The same goes for trips, holidays, and any plans more than a few weeks out. They all assume you’ll still be together, and that’s exactly the assumption he’s avoiding.

SEE ALSO: 10 Situationship Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

11. You’ve Started Making Excuses for Him

A huge red flag that you’re dealing with a guy who keeps making excuses is that you adopt his behavior. For example, when your friends ask why you didn’t go on that trip you had planned, you hear yourself explaining that his work has been brutal lately.

He didn’t ask you to cover for him; you volunteered because you’re ashamed of the truth. And you’d be ashamed to tell your friends, who will undoubtedly ask more questions and see through his flimsy excuses. You don’t want to deal with that or accept the uncomfortable truth: he’s probably leading you on and/or lying to you.

When You See Signs He Is Making Excuses, Pay Attention

You don’t have to disprove each excuse one at a time, and you don’t need to catch him in a lie before you’re allowed to walk away.

But if you want certainty, run a simple test. The next time he cancels a date, say “no problem” and leave it at that. Don’t reschedule for him, and don’t offer to make it easier.

A man who wants you will come back with a new plan within days. But someone who’s making excuses will thank you for being so understanding and offer nothing because your understanding was the only thing he wanted.