20 Signs He Is Jealous or Trying to Make You Jealous

Does your boyfriend or husband get quiet when you mention a guy from work?

Or has he started doing things like flirting with the waitress right in front of you?

Here are 20 signs he is jealous or trying to make you jealous — split into two lists so you can figure out which one you’re dealing with.

12 Signs He Is Jealous

Jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone feels at some point. The problem isn’t the feeling but what your boyfriend does with it.

Some of these signs are harmless insecurity, while others are serious red flags.

1. He Gets Quiet or Moody When You Mention Other Men

You bring up a male coworker or an old friend, and his whole energy shifts. He goes quiet, gives short answers, or changes the subject.

2. He Starts Interrogating You About Your Plans

Where are you going? Who’s going to be there? When will you be back? How do you know these people?

When he asks these questions, watch for his tone. It’ll tell you whether he’s just curious or trying to keep tabs on your life.

3. He Checks Your Phone or Hovers When You’re Texting

If he’s glancing at your screen, picking up your phone when you leave the room, or standing over your shoulder while you text, that’s a major sign of jealousy.

He might also demand to have your phone’s code or social media passwords. This is when jealousy goes into control territory, where your boyfriend or husband is demanding to have access to every part of your life. You should not take these demands lightly. They often escalate into abusive behavior.

4. He Makes Snide Comments About Your Male Friends

“Oh, that guy again?” or “He’s always around, huh?”

He disguises it as a joke or an offhand comment. But he’s testing you to see if you’ll distance yourself from other men to make him more comfortable.

5. He Gets Overly Affectionate When Other Men Are Around

If you’re around your male friends or just male company, your partner becoming more touchy is a sign of jealousy. By kissing your forehead, holding your hand at all times, and holding you by your waist, he’s trying to show everyone that the two of you are together.

6. He Monitors Your Social Media

He knows who liked and commented on your last photo, or who followed you yesterday. He’s keeping score of every interaction you have online.

If he starts trying to tell you what kind of content you can share on social media, like Jonah Hill did with his ex, it’s time to call it a wrap. He’s being controlling and if you give in, he’ll just ask for more.

7. He Competes With Any Man You Compliment

You mention a friend’s promotion and suddenly he’s listing his own accomplishments, or trying to downplay your friend’s. This is insecurity talking and he might not even be aware that he’s doing it.

8. He Insists on Coming Along Everywhere

Plans you used to do alone or with friends now include him — whether you invited him or not. When you try to explain that he wasn’t invited, he starts a fight. He might accuse you of not giving him enough attention or that you and your friends are up to no good.

Either way, this creates a cycle where you start dreading going out with friends because you know it’s going to be a fight.

9. His Mood Depends on Whether Other Men Are Around

When it’s just the two of you, he’s fine. But the second there’s male company, he gets moody, withdrawn, or passive-aggressive.

If his mood depends entirely on who else is around, he’s not handling his own feelings and needs you to act a certain way so he can feel okay. This is also control.

10. He Gets Defensive When You Call Him Out

You ask, “Are you jealous?” and he shuts it down, either by denying, deflecting, or telling you his behavior is normal.

A man who can’t admit he’s jealous can’t manage his behavior. This is a big problem because he doesn’t see a reason to change.

11. He Tries to Make You Feel Guilty for Having a Social Life

“I guess you’d rather hang out with them.” “Must be nice having so many friends.”

These are guilt trips. He’s being manipulative by trying to make you feel like a bad person even though you aren’t doing anything wrong.

As a result, you might cancel your plans or waste hours trying to appease him by explaining how much you care about him.

12. He Pushes for Commitment

If you just started dating this person, he might be rushing to make things official even though you don’t know each other that well. There’s nothing wrong with a man who wants a serious relationship, but if his rushing is making you uncomfortable, pay attention.

For example, he could want to introduce you to his entire family within a month or two. Or he might push for you to make it “Instagram official” and get upset when you tell him you aren’t comfortable doing so just yet.

What Does His Jealousy Tell You About Him?

Jealousy on its own doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. It’s more important what he does with that feeling.

My ex was once jealous of someone from my old high school. But he never brought it up. I didn’t even know about it until much later, when those feelings were long gone.

That’s what it looks like when a man handles jealousy like an adult — he processes it, and doesn’t make it your problem.

8 Signs He’s Trying to Make You Jealous

Just like women, men are perfectly capable of doing things on purpose to make you jealous. Here are the signs to look for.

1. He Talks About Other Women

It’s normal for your man to talk about the women in his life, but there is a line when it comes to talking about his exes or being excessively complimentary of other women.

This is especially true if he talks about other women’s bodies and then compares them to you. It’s a huge red flag and I wouldn’t date this type of man because he is deliberately trying to make you insecure so you will fight for his approval. (Google “negging.”)

2. He Flirts Openly in Front of You

Whether it’s a waitress or a friend he ran into from college, you can tell he is flirting with other women and he does this without a hint of guilt.

Again, this is another huge red flag. It means he does not respect you and is trying to humiliate you in front of other people. He wants you to know you are insignificant to him.

3. He Compliments Other Women While You’re Right There

Do you know those girls that say, “Me and my man check out girls together!!”

Well, these are women trying to cope with the fact that their men are complimenting other women right in front of their faces.

This behavior is inappropriate and disrespectful. He is trying to make you insecure because he knows you’ll start comparing yourself to these women.

4. He Makes Sure You Know He’s “In Demand”

He shows you DMs from other women, mentions someone hitting on him at the bar, and leaves his phone screen visible so you’ll see the notifications.

His behavior could be an attempt to provoke a reaction from you or to make you feel insecure.

5. He Becomes Conveniently Unavailable

If your boyfriend started acting hot and cold, he could be trying to make you jealous. He wants you to wonder what he has going on to make him unavailable to you, and maybe even fight for his affection.

6. He Uses Social Media to Give Attention to Other Women

Suddenly, he’s liking other women’s photos, leaving flirty comments, and posting stories where they’re visible. It’s all very public, where you can see it.

This is unacceptable behavior. It’s the digital version of flirting with another woman right in front you.

7. He Watches Your Reaction

Whenever he does something to make you jealous, pay attention to how he responds to your response.

Is there a hint of satisfaction on his face? Does he shrug off his behavior and try to make you sound crazy?

Men who try to make you jealous want to know it’s working. If he looks happy and escalates the argument by saying you’re overreacting, you’ll know his behavior is part of a deliberate strategy to sabotage the relationship or ruin your self-esteem. Maybe even both.

8. He Escalates When It Works

When he does any of the above behaviors and sees that it makes you upset, he kicks things up a notch instead of stopping his behavior.

Now, he has information about what makes you jealous, so he can do it more. And the more you tolerate it, the more damage your self-esteem will suffer.

A respectful partner would never do this because he cares about you and wants you to know you’re his priority.