Self-Infantilization and the Rise of Regressive Femininity

There’s a certain kind of irony to the phrase “I’m just a girl.” Once used by No Doubt in the ‘90s as a tongue-in-cheek rebellion against sexism, it’s now being recycled online (mostly by women) without a hint of satire.

You’ve probably seen it paired with TikToks where women joke about “girl math,” romanticize being financially dependent, or glamorize the idea of doing absolutely nothing while “my man handles the real world.”

On the surface, it’s harmless. But beneath the playful captions lies a deeper cultural shift that’s worth pausing on.

We’re in the middle of a self-infantilization trend where adult women are increasingly embracing personas that reject autonomy in favor of helplessness, softness, and being “taken care of.” The message is subtle but persistent: real women don’t want power; they want peace, provided by a man.

But trends like this don’t exist in a vacuum. What starts as a coping mechanism or internet joke can quietly influence how women see themselves, what they expect from relationships, and even where they fall ideologically.

And as more women lean into these regressive tropes under the guise of self-care or femininity, we need to ask—what are we giving up in the process?

This post explores the rise of self-infantilization, why it’s becoming so popular, and why it’s not as empowering as it pretends to be.

What Is Self-Infantilization?

Self-infantilization is the act of adopting childlike behaviors, language, or attitudes despite being a fully capable adult.

It can show up in the way someone talks (“I don’t know how to do taxes, I’m just a girl ”), dresses (hyper-girlish or childlike fashion), or presents themselves online, often with an exaggerated sense of helplessness or lack of responsibility.

It’s not new because women have long been socialized to appear smaller, softer, and less threatening. What’s different now is that it’s being chosen and even celebrated as a form of identity or empowerment.

Instead of pushing against stereotypes about women being emotional, irrational, or bad with money, these trends lean into them. And instead of advocating for equality, they often mask passivity and dependence as femininity.

In some cases, self-infantilization is a genuine response to burnout.

When you’re overwhelmed by the pressure to succeed, hustle, and constantly optimize your life, retreating into a role where you’re taken care of can feel like relief. But there’s a difference between softness and surrender.

Modern Examples of Self-Infantilization

Self-infantilization isn’t always obvious. it’s often masked by humor, aesthetic, or even spirituality. But once you start noticing the patterns, they’re hard to unsee. Here are a few examples of how this trend is showing up in mainstream internet culture:

“Girl Math,” “Girl Dinner,” “Girl Driving”

What started as quirky internet slang has evolved into a full-blown genre of content where women jokingly disqualify themselves from adult logic. 

Girl math justifies impulsive spending with nonsense calculations (“If I pay in cash, it’s free”). 

Girl dinner is celebrated as a plate of snacks with zero nutritional value. 

Girl driving typically refers to women poking fun at their supposed incompetence behind the wheel.

These trends are presented as funny and relatable, but the subtext is that women are bad at practical life skills, and we should lean into that.

What makes it more complex is that many women genuinely relate to these moments of imperfection or burnout. But when we constantly label basic human behavior as “girlish” or inept, we reinforce the idea that adult responsibility is somehow masculine.

“I’m Just a Girl” Memes

“I’m just a girl, I can’t change my tires.” “I’m just a girl, I can’t be expected to book my own dentist appointment.”

These posts often get tens of thousands of likes because they feel like a collective exhale.

But over time, this constant reinforcement of helplessness starts to sink in. What we laugh at, we start to live. And the more we perform incompetence, the more we start believing it.

“Divine Feminine” and the Soft Girl Era

There’s a whole genre of content encouraging women to step into their divine feminine which, in theory, could be empowering.

But in practice, it often means rejecting ambition, financial independence, or assertiveness in favor of being emotionally submissive.

A common phrase is: “A woman in her feminine doesn’t chase, she attracts.” Sounds poetic, until you realize it’s being used to justify not setting boundaries or waiting around for men to take the lead in every area of life.

Tradwife & “My Man Pays for Everything” Culture

These trends glorify hyper-traditional gender roles. Women brag about not having to work, about not knowing how to manage money, and about being “spoiled” as a full-time dependent.

It’s repackaged as luxury or self-worth (“I don’t work because my man loves me so much, he takes care of everything”) but it comes with a cost if you marry the wrong person: power, agency, and choice.

Why Is This Trend Appealing Right Now?

To understand why self-infantilization is gaining traction, you have to look beyond the surface. The trend comes down to exhaustion, disillusionment, and the quiet desire to opt out of a system that has offered independence but not always support.

1. Burnout from “Strong Independent Woman” Culture

Many women grew up being told they could and should do it all. Build a career, stay fit, be emotionally available, manage a household, and look good doing it. But the result is chronic burnout and constant pressure.

In that context, self-infantilization feels like a release. It’s a seductive fantasy: What if I didn’t have to handle everything? What if someone else could take care of me for once?

This doesn’t mean women actually want to give up their independence. But the fantasy of being cared for, of not having to carry everything all the time, is powerful when you’re exhausted.

2. Nostalgia and Escapism

Infantilization offers a kind of emotional regression.

By adopting the “just a girl” persona, women can escape adult responsibilities and return to a time when life felt simpler: no taxes, no dating politics, no career pressure.

This kind of emotional retreat isn’t inherently bad.

But when it becomes your identity, it limits your capacity to grow, choose, and lead.

3. Internet Culture Rewards Relatable Helplessness

Social media thrives on content that’s short, funny, and “relatable.” And what’s more relatable than a woman spiraling over her budget or eating chips for dinner because cooking is too much?

Helplessness is viral. Competence isn’t. So that’s what gets performed, posted, and repeated.

4. Lack of Clear Role Models for Modern Femininity

Right now, there’s a vacuum where feminism used to feel clear.

The old templates such as boss babe hustle culture or third-wave sexual liberation no longer resonate with everyone. But in their place, there’s no widely accepted or emotionally fulfilling model of what it means to be a woman today.

So women look for guidance, often turning to wellness creators, femininity coaches, or TikTok influencers who package softness and surrender as empowerment. These creators often suggest being soft and letting a man lead, which can feel like relief when you’re exhausted.

Why It’s Not as Harmless as It Seems

It’s easy to dismiss self-infantilization trends as harmless internet fun. But when you peel back the irony, the message being repeated is loud and clear: adulthood is for men, and women are better off opting out.

1. It Reinforces Harmful Gender Stereotypes

The idea that women are bad with money, can’t drive, or need to be “protected” by men is nothing new. These are old sexist tropes with a digital makeover. By embracing them under the guise of aesthetic or humor, we end up validating the same ideas feminists have been pushing back against for decades.

When we perform helplessness long enough, even jokingly, it starts to shape how people treat us.

2. It Leads to a Loss of Personal Power

The more you lean into the idea that you’re not responsible for “adult” things, the easier it is to stop building the skills that lead to actual freedom, such as financial literacy, emotional maturity, or healthy boundaries.

You might think, “It’s just a meme, I know how to handle my life.” But social behavior is sticky. When dependence becomes aspirational, it becomes easy to confuse being taken care of with being safe and that confusion can cost you your autonomy.

3. It Opens the Door to Reactionary Ideologies

These trends don’t exist in a vacuum, they’re part of a broader ecosystem of content that’s actively trying to funnel women into regressive roles.

What starts as “feminine energy” TikToks can lead to tradwife influencers, who lead to male-dominated podcasts, who lead to manosphere rhetoric that says women are biologically inferior, irrational, and unfit to lead.

The internet is very good at nudging people toward more extreme content once it detects a pattern of interest. And if that interest is in being “just a girl,” the internet will hand you a version of womanhood that is submissive.

4. It Undermines Equality in Relationships

The “my man pays for everything while I just vibe” trend glamorizes financial dependence and emotional passivity. But those dynamics come with risks, especially if the relationship becomes controlling, abusive, or unstable.

When one partner holds all the financial and decision-making power, the other partner’s safety, comfort, and even self-worth are vulnerable to that person’s whims.

Infantilization can quietly erode a woman’s ability to leave or advocate for herself.

What’s the Alternative?

Rejecting self-infantilization doesn’t mean abandoning vulnerability or femininity. You don’t have to become hyper-independent, emotionally detached, or relentlessly productive.

1. Redefine Femininity on Your Own Terms

Femininity doesn’t have to mean helplessness. You can be soft and smart. Emotional and capable. Intuitive and assertive. The problem isn’t being “girly”, it’s associating girliness with incompetence and emotional fragility.

The alternative is balance: embracing feminine traits while also standing firmly in your power. You can cry in your car and set financial goals. You can make a snack plate for dinner and learn to advocate for yourself in a relationship. One doesn’t cancel out the other.

2. Practice Empowered Dependency (Not Passive Dependency)

It’s okay to want support and to be taken care of sometimes. But dependency becomes dangerous when it’s your only plan. Empowered dependency means building strong, mutual relationships where you can lean on someone, but don’t have to.

Instead of saying, “I’m just a girl, I can’t do that,” try: “I could use help with this, but I know I’m capable of figuring it out.” That small shift in language is where real power begins.

3. Seek Out Role Models Who Are Whole

Start curating your feed with women who embody more than just aesthetics. Look for people who are honest about the emotional labor of adulthood, who show you what it looks like to be soft and strong, who don’t treat adulthood like a burden but like a privilege they’re learning to navigate.

You’re Not “Just a Girl”

The rise of self-infantilization may seem like a funny trend but underneath it lies a quiet erosion of agency.

When we joke that we’re “just girls,” we downplay our intelligence, capability, and right to participate fully in adult life.

And when we romanticize passivity, we risk giving away power that was hard-won by generations of women before us.

My goal isn’t to shame women for wanting a slow life. But we need to notice when those desires become a disguise for something more dangerous: a culture that encourages us to opt out of our own growth in exchange for approval, comfort, or protection.

Being a woman in today’s world is hard. But infantilizing ourselves won’t make it easier. What will? Creating space for a femininity that’s not afraid of adulthood and that doesn’t shrink under the weight of responsibility.