20 Red Flags When Talking To Someone On A Dating App

If you’re one of the millions of women who are using dating apps to find a long-term relationship, it’s not enough to just set up a profile and hope for the best.

When you start talking to someone on a dating platform, there are dozens of red flags to pay attention to.

Bios that read like job requirements, people who are happy to text but never ask you out, and future-faking are all online dating red flags to take note of.

What are the red flags when talking to someone on a dating app?

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of dating app red flags you should keep in mind when you talk to someone new.

1. They don’t ask you any questions

A person who doesn’t show any interest in you is the first red flag when talking to someone on a dating app.

If they don’t ask you any questions and let you do all the talking, then you can bet they’re just bored and looking for a way to pass time.

If you’re a naturally talkative person, pay extra attention to how much effort you’re putting in to keep the conversation going.

If you’re initiating all the questions, then pull back and see if they’ll step it up. In case they don’t, feel free to abandon the convo.

2. They sound confrontational

Some people have a perpetual chip on their shoulder, even when using dating apps. Thankfully, they’re easy to spot.

Someone who texts you, “So how are you going to waste my time?” probably isn’t in the right state of mind to date anyone.

There’s no need to stick around to see if they have a more pleasant side.

3. They are negging you

Negging is a manipulative dating tactic popularized on misogynistic subreddits where men share emotionally abusive strategies to exploit vulnerable women.

If you’ve ever received a compliment that felt like an insult, it was probably a neg. “You’re really pretty but you’d look better with longer hair,” or any remark that makes you feel like you should defend yourself.

Instead of defending yourself or calling out the neg, the best way to respond is to simply unmatch.

4. They refuse to get on a video call

For some women, a pre-date video call is a must – and I can understand why.

It’s an excellent safety precaution, and a great way to see if your new match is who they say they are and whether you’d actually want to go out on a proper date.

If you suspect that you’re being catfished, then a video call is also necessary. A catfish will use every excuse in the book to avoid video chatting, which is a clear sign you’re talking to someone sus.

5. They are asking for risky pictures

A lot of women get an icky feeling when a person they’re talking to suddenly asks for a picture, and with good reason.

You already have a couple of photos on your profile, why would they need more?

When someone asks for pictures, it usually means they want nudes or a variation thereof. This is a major red flag when talking to someone on a dating app.

It’s rude and disrespectful, and I doubt you want someone who lacks basic manners to be a long-term partner.

6. Their dating profile seems too good to be true

Compared to the older generations, millennials and Gen Z should have an easier time spotting a catfish. But, you can never be too careful with your possible love interests.

If there’s something about the way they present themselves that sets off an alarm, don’t ignore that feeling. For example, they might have a suspiciously perfect profile.

Remember that a catfish isn’t always the most extreme MTV scenario where a person is pretending to be someone completely different.

They could be using much older pictures, fake info in their bio, or trying to present themselves as leading a much different lifestyle than they actually do.

7. They don’t ask you out on a date at all or ask too soon

If you matched with a guy on an app, and you’ve been texting for days, he should ask you out. No ifs or buts about it.

Unless you’re on a dating app just to find someone to text while you’re bored at work, the point is to meet people in person.

Someone who just wants to text, even though they can see you’re interested, isn’t very serious about dating.

On the opposite side of the spectrum is a person who invites you out after you’ve barely exchanged a couple of texts. This is simply too soon.

They’re asking you to base your decision around meeting in person on very little information.

You should be able to have a simple conversation via text before you agree to a date.

If you feel rushed, then unmatch or explain you’d like to get to know each other better over the phone first.

8. The profile features a very long list of requirements

When a person’s bio reads like a job posting, you’re better off not matching at all.

They get bonus red flags if the description features any of the following:

• “No drama, please.” Read: I cause the drama but I will blame you for it.
• “Looking for a girl who doesn’t take herself too seriously.” Read: I will be disrespectful and call you dramatic when you get rightfully offended.
• “Let’s go with the flow.” Read: I won’t put in any effort because I’m just looking for a hookup, but I don’t want to be honest about this because it will limit my dating pool.
• “Good vibes only.” Read: I won’t tolerate any of your boundaries.
• “I never message first.” Read: I’m insecure and also a drama queen.
• “Fluent in sarcasm.” Read: I have poor social skills. I’m also stuck in 2010 when sarcasm used to be cool.

It’s okay to have high standards. However, a person who lists them all in their profile (with a heavy dose of attitude) lacks emotional maturity.

They’re concerned with coming off as a catch and someone you should impress, which screams arrogance.

9. Their profile bio features corny one-liners

There are many dos and don’ts on online dating apps, but overused one-liners like “Cons: Not Ryan Gosling” are one of the most annoying “don’ts”.

Although these one-liners could be well-intentioned, they tell nothing about a person.

Yes, I know you (and billions of other men on this planet) are not Ryan Gosling – but who actually are you?

It’s a way to fill a profile description without much thought – they might as well have left it empty.

Although it might not be a major red flag, it’s a potential sign they aren’t taking dating very seriously, so you might want to avoid this person if you’re looking for something serious.

Other bios that are red flags include:

• “Just ask.”
• A random quote.
• A whole lot of emojis and nothing else.
• Including only their Instagram handle.
• Any mentions of “being masculine” and looking for a “feminine” woman. (Men who are confident in their masculinity usually don’t advertise it. This is just thinly veiled misogyny.

10. They are disrespecting your boundaries

When someone tries to cross your boundaries, consider it a major red flag.

Let’s say a person offers to pick you up in their car on your first date. You’re not comfortable with that, so you tell them so and say you’ll take a cab.

If the person tries to convince you to let them pick you up, or tries to make you feel bad about turning them down, consider canceling the date altogether.

When you say “no”, it takes zero effort to say, “Ok, that’s fine!”

By arguing with you over a boundary, a person is making a deliberate choice. They’re indirectly telling you they don’t respect you, which is a bad sign.

11. They ask for your social media or phone number right away

If someone asks for your social media profile or phone number after exchanging just a couple of texts, consider that a red flag.

Your profile should already have more than enough information and photos that give a glimpse into your personality, so asking for your Instagram profile or another account is simply unnecessary.

It’s a sign that the person you’re talking to wants to fast-forward through the bare minimum of online dating, which is having a casual conversation on the app to see if there’s a spark.

Some people on dating apps are also only interested in growing their Instagram following, so be aware of this when someone asks for your handle right away.

12. They refuse to share any personal info

Someone who hesitates to share even the smallest detail of their personal life is likely a catfish or hiding something big, like a wife and kids.

Or, they’re unnecessarily paranoid, which is also not a good sign.

13. They start love-bombing you

Love-bombing is a manipulative dating tactic where a person showers you with affection, compliments, and gifts early into the relationship.

Then, they pull back in an effort to manipulate you into doing what they want.

When texting someone on a dating app, love-bombing will most likely manifest itself as excessive complimenting.

Everyone likes to be told they’re beautiful, interesting, and intelligent.

But when someone is piling on the compliments like they’re getting paid to do so, you are right to question their intentions.

14. They ask for gifts or financial help

If you’ve ever watched a single episode of 90 Day Fiance, you know how some people can be easily manipulated into sending cash or gifts to literal strangers.

You might be tempted to say, “That could never be me!”

But unless you have experienced manipulation and know how easy it is for charming people to get their way, you should practice caution.

The Tinder Swindler is an excellent (albeit extreme) example of how manipulators will take advantage of your kindness.

Even if you’ve been dating someone for a while, and have met them in real life, it’s best to avoid lending money or buying gifts.

15. They seem arrogant

Bios with one-liners such as “Impress me with your intellect” or an arrogant attitude while texting are gigantic red flags.

Arrogance is not sexy and is the polar opposite of confidence.

When you’re in the presence of a confident person, you’ll feel at ease and comfortable with being your authentic self. The opposite is true when you’re with an arrogant person.

Even when an arrogant person gives you their “stamp of approval”, being around them is still toxic.

Your conversations will either revolve around all the people they hate or how everyone else hates them, traits that are far from a green flag.

16. They start breadcrumbing you

Breadcrumbing is a way for someone to keep you hanging on while they pursue someone else full-time.

For example, when someone suddenly starts taking hours (or days) to reply, they’re probably breadcrumbing you.

No one has to be available at all hours of the day, but if you sense someone is taking unusually slow to get back to you, it’s best to move on.

17. They clearly haven’t read your profile

When someone keeps asking you questions you’ve already answered in your bio, it’s a warning sign they’re not willing to invest a minimum amount of effort to get to know you.

You can weed out people who don’t from those who do by paying attention to what kind of questions they ask you and what this says about their intentions.

18. Their profile is empty or includes incorrect information

I know, writing a bio is hard. You don’t want to repeat cliches but you also don’t want to lie.

Still, even a couple of sentences that paint a picture of your personality are better than nothing. It shows effort.

And if you’re able to set aside 15 minutes of your day to put together a quick bio, then so can anyone else.

An empty bio might not be a huge red flag, but it does indicate that a person might be using the app just because they’re bored. Proceed with caution.

19. They use cheesy pickup lines

I will take “Hey, how is your day going?” anytime over a corny pickup line from a literal stranger on the internet.

You don’t know me or care about me in a romantic sense, so feigning romance is annoying and fake.

This behavior is a red flag because it signals the person you’re talking to is either too insecure about communicating openly or wants to fast-forward your relationship.

Whatever the case might be, you’re better off unmatching.

20. They start talking about the two of you as “we”

If someone you’re talking to on a dating app starts referring to the two of you as “we” or “us”, run for the hills.

This is not cute, especially if you haven’t even met yet.

It’s just another type of fast-forwarding. The person wants to create a false sense of intimacy and trust so they can try to take advantage of you.

People who have a genuine intention of getting to know you don’t resort to such pick-up artistry.