5 Reasons You Should Never, Ever Date a Selfish Man

One of my close friends recently got out of a relationship with a selfish man who managed to ruin the only trip she had planned for the whole year.

Instead of spending their time exploring the city and making fun memories, he decided he didn’t want to go anywhere because “parking is a nightmare” and “everything is expensive.” Instead, they watched TV or he played video games.

If you’re currently dating a man you suspect is selfish, I want you to take my friend’s story as a cautionary tale. Perhaps you won’t end up with a ruined vacation, but trust me that this relationship will do more harm than good.

Here are 5 reasons you should never date a selfish man:

1. They are leeches

A selfish man is a leech in an emotional and physical sense. Here’s what that might look like:

• Demanding your time and attention when he needs it but ignores your needs. For example, he’ll want you to come over when he’s had a bad day at work (regardless of your plans) but if the same happened to you, he’s nowhere to be found.
• Going 50/50 to the point of insanity. You might go to the supermarket together and he’ll send you a $1.50 Venmo request to pay him back for the chapstick you bought.
• Using you for free labor. He never cooks or cleans up after himself. He is happy to have you do all of the domestic labor.

2. Your self-esteem will suffer

When you are in a relationship with a generous and caring man, he makes you feel special through gestures big and small. With a selfish man, the opposite happens. Your self-esteem erodes over time because he treats you like a resource instead of a person.

If you’re unaware that this is going on, over time you’ll become programmed to fulfil his every need and ignore your own.

And when you are your own last priority, you start to feel like you don’t matter. You don’t speak up for yourself, take up space, or call out problems. And you stay in the relationship even though it’s toxic for your mental and physical health.

3. You can never rely on him

If you’re dating for marriage or a long-term relationship, one of the key traits you need to look for is reliability. Once the butterflies wear off and decades pass, a reliable partner will make your life easier and more enjoyable.

But a selfish partner will have you shouldering every challenge on your own.

Instead of working together toward a solution, he will complain that you’re bothering him. “It will sort itself out,” he will say — meaning that you should figure it out without his involvement.

4. He will never prioritize you

Selfish men don’t prioritize their partners, unless they have something to gain.

A good example is the recent interview of NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr and his wife Amy, where she revealed he refuses to get carrot cake for her birthday (her favorite) because HE doesn’t like it. Instead, he gets her red velvet cake, which he likes.

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What’s your take on carrot cake? Dale & Amy know theirs… 🥕🍰 #BestOfAskAmy

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While I’m not saying your boyfriend needs to cater to your every whim, some things are expected — and getting your wife’s favorite cake for her birthday is one of them.

Unfortunately, selfish people aren’t willing to even mildly inconvenience themselves to make someone else happy, which is particularly painful if you’re in a long-term relationship. And this leads me to my final point.

5. Getting him to do something is like pulling teeth

Selfish people always think “What’s in it for me?” whenever someone asks them for a favor. Whether it’s picking something up at the store or helping your parents set up their new TV.

What’s worse, this issue only grows if you have children. Late-night diaper changes? He’s too tired. The kid is sick? He’s annoyed because it disturbs him.

Over time, this behavior trains you to avoid asking him to do anything at all, because you’d rather avoid dealing with his complaining.

Think about the big picture

When choosing a life partner, strip away all things superficial, look at his character, and think about your life long-term.

Does he jump at the opportunity to help others? Is he willing to do things that make you happy, even if it’s an inconvenience? Does he celebrate your success instead of trying to downplay it? When you ask him to do something, can you relax knowing he’ll do it?

These are the things that make relationships work long-term. A kind, caring, and reliable man makes your life better instead of worse, and is a true partner every sense of the word.