12 Key Tips For Overcoming Perfectionism And Self-Criticism

Do you struggle with overcoming perfectionism and silencing your inner critic? You’re not alone.

This behavior, which puts a premium on unrealistically high standards, appearing flawless, and self-criticism, poses a challenge to millions of people.

For many years, perfectionism was seen as a positive personality trait rather than a damaging one. And while it’s true that it has its pros, the cons, which can include chronic stress, procrastination, and even poor physical health, should not be ignored.

So how can you overcome your perfectionism and live a healthier life? Here are 12 tips to help you out.

12 Tips For Overcoming Perfectionism

1. Don’t let your accomplishments define you

As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell you that it’s incredibly easy to allow yourself to be defined by your accomplishments.

Only a year ago, if someone had asked me what I liked most about myself, I’d probably respond by listing off all of my academic and professional accomplishments.

I had subconsciously defined myself and my worth by my achievements, so when I was struggling to do a good job, I’d spiral down into low-self worth and negative self-talk.

If this sounds like you, try journaling about all the things you like about yourself that are not connected to your career or academic success.

Although it feels incredibly unnatural in the beginning, it’s the first step to untying your self-worth from the accomplishments on your resume, which allows you to define yourself by your other traits like generosity, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc.

2. Be honest about your needs

Perfectionists like to put on a front that says, “I don’t need anyone’s help, input, or guidance,” because when you’re perfect, you can do everything on your own – right?

To no one’s surprise, this is what leads perfectionists down a path of burnout and chronic exhaustion. Asking for help feels like admitting defeat, although no battle is being fought.

The next time you encounter a situation where you feel in over your head, reach out to someone for help or simply express that you’re struggling and could use a listening ear.

P.S. This doesn’t only apply to work-related matters, as many perfectionists hesitate to open up about challenges when it comes to relationships, family, etc.

3. Overcoming perfectionism means embracing imperfect work

To a perfectionist, there is no middle ground between “terrible” and “excellent”. They’re either successful or a complete failure.

But such black and white thinking is not just harmful to their self-esteem – it also takes away from their time management skills and work-life balance.

Having the ability to say, “This task isn’t a priority so I’m not going to dedicate myself fully to it,” means that you know how to time-manage, so you’re less likely to waste energy and effort on inconsequential work.

What’s more, your chances of developing work anxiety are lower and you’ll be able to redirect your attention to more important things.

4. Avoid comparing yourself to others

It goes without saying that comparing yourself to others from time to time is normal.

Perfectionists, however, take this to an extreme level, constantly evaluating how their accomplishments measure against someone else’s.

When you constantly compare yourself to other people, two things happen:

• You begin feeling like you’re not good enough

• You feed into a negative mindset that makes you forget about all the amazing things you do have in your life

Nowadays, it’s so easy to virtually stalk people and end up feeling bad about yourself so I advise you to kick the habit and remember that you rarely know a person’s full story – especially on social media.

5. Set realistic standards

Overcoming perfectionism means setting realistic standards for yourself.

Usually, individuals with perfectionist tendencies have very high expectations of themselves, which causes frustration and disappointment when they fail to satisfy them.

By lowering your standards for what you can do at a particular point in time, you leave space for yourself to spend less energy obsessing over every detail. And you’ll be a happier person for it!

6. Understand that failure is a part of success

“When you see someone who’s very successful, you almost imagine that it was a foregone conclusion, that they’re a genius, that they were destined for great things. I think the big takeaway is failure and setbacks, far from being uncommon, are in many ways essential,” says Seth Fiegerman in an interview with Smithsonian magazine.

But to a perfectionist, failure is just that – failure. It’s not a part of a bigger journey or a setback that leads to something greater.

And since many perfectionists tie themselves deeply to their accomplishments, they take failure very personally.

A key aspect of learning how to not be a perfectionist is treating setbacks as normal and understanding that they happen to everyone.

7. Adopt a growth mindset

If you’re lucky, you’ll spend your entire life learning. And the best way to learn and grow is by making mistakes.

While your first instinct might be to do everything in your power to prevent messing up, you should allow yourself to make a mistake once in a while and more importantly, not make a big deal out of it when it happens.

Adopting a growth mindset will help you see mistakes as important tools that are part of the learning process, and not your worst enemy.

8. Avoid fixating on the negatives

Do you find yourself focusing only on the negative parts of your life, even though you’re objectively doing quite well?

This is a common issue for many perfectionists who constantly move the goalposts so that there’s always something else to achieve and they’re never quite happy with what they have.

Over the years, I’ve encountered people who had impressive accomplishments under their belt but still felt like they were underperforming because the minute they achieved a goal, they immediately set another one.

And on and on it went, like a loop.

While there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious and wanting to level up in life, fixating on the negatives will actually keep you stuck.

Practicing gratitude, filtering negativity from social media, taking the time to celebrate your successes are all things you can do to be more positive in your day-to-day life.

9. Understand that perfectionism stunts your growth

Perfectionism does have its benefits. But they come at a cost, one of them being stagnation.

Here’s an example from my own life: if I had waited until everything was “perfect” to start this blog, you wouldn’t be reading this right now because I would’ve never launched it.

Perfect timing is an illusion that’ll keep you in one place. Instead of waiting for the right time, it’s better to go ahead with your plans and make adjustments as you go.

10. Don’t wear ‘perfectionist’ as a badge of honor

Overcoming perfectionism also means no longer seeing it as a positive aspect of your identity.

But this is harder than it seems. As a perfectionist, you’ve probably experienced success in your career and all that positive reinforcement makes it challenging to stop feeling proud of your unhealthy behavior.

Not to mention that recent social media trends offer constant praise to the hustle-and-grind wake-up-at-5-AM-every-day workaholic types. So how can you change your mindset?

You can start with becoming aware of all the cons of perfectionism in your life.

In my case, it was chronic stress and self-abandonment but they manifest differently for everyone. Once you acknowledge that perfectionism has substantially damaged your quality of life, it’ll be easier to let it go.

11. Embrace uncertainty

Perfectionism is deeply connected to a desire to control every aspect of your life.

You have a hard time embracing the unknown so you seek to always be in charge, controlling every single outcome, which lulls you into a false sense of certainty and security.

Making peace with uncertainty is a long process but it helps to get a grip on any subconscious fears and limiting beliefs that might be driving you to excessive control.

12. Seek professional help

Overcoming perfectionism isn’t always a straightforward journey. Often, it’s a manifestation of deeper issues that must be addressed in therapy with a certified mental health professional.

Regardless of whether you’re able to tackle perfectionism on your own or with outside help, it’s important to realize that this can be a lifelong process.

There is no set timeline here, and you shouldn’t fall into the trap of criticizing yourself if you fall back into old patterns. All that matters is that you don’t give up!

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Disclaimer: This article is not intended to be a replacement for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment by qualified medical professionals. Always seek the advice of your doctor, therapist, or other healthcare providers with any questions you may have.