You Always Text Him First. Should You Stop?

If you always text him first, you already know something is off.

You text him good morning, “how was your day,” and send random memes because you saw something that reminded you of him.

But if you didn’t reach out? You’re not sure you’d hear from him at all.

And that’s exactly why you keep texting him first.

The thing is that when you’re always the one starting the conversation, you’re not building a connection but keeping one alive by yourself.

So if you’ve been asking yourself, “I always text him first, should I stop?” The answer is yes. You should.

Yes, You Should Stop

Not texting men first doesn’t mean you’re playing hard to get or using silence as a strategy to make him chase you. It helps you avoid looking desperate and dating the wrong guys.

When you’re always the one reaching out, you have no idea whether he’d ever text you on his own. You’ve been filling the silence for him, and that silence has answers in it you’ve been avoiding.

I once went out with a guy who was clearly not that into me. Instead of accepting that information, I would send him memes and articles about things I thought he’d find interesting. He’d respond ( sometimes days later) but he never sent me anything back. He never took those “hints” and planned a date.

So if he wanted to talk to you, he would.

Why You Always Text Men First

You always text men first because you’re anxious about how the connection will unfold, and the uncertainty of early dating is hard for you to deal with.

So you text him first as a way to manage that uncertainty.

When you text him, you feel like you’re keeping things moving and have control over where the relationship is going.

But you don’t have control. You’re overcompensating for someone who isn’t that into you. And the texting isn’t making him more interested. It’s just making it easier for him to stay without trying.

Don’t bring feminism into this

Sometimes, women argue for texting men first because “it’s the 21st century”, “women are equal to men”, and “you shouldn’t have to wait around for a man to text you.”

They mean well. But they’re wrong about this one.

Men learn from a young age to be the ones who reach out first through societal conditioning. They know they’re expected to do it. I’m not saying this is right or wrong, I’m just saying that this is how things are in most societies around the world.

So when a man isn’t initiating, but you are, he knows you’re into him more than he is into you.

A good man won’t take advantage of that. He’ll either match your effort or be honest about where he stands.

But there are also men who will use that information to get what they want from you. They’ll keep responding just enough to keep you around without ever committing.

3 Reasons You Should Stop Texting Men First

It lets you weed out men who aren’t into you

When you always initiate, you give men who aren’t that interested a reason to stick around without putting in any effort. Your texts make it easy for him to stay in the picture without ever choosing to be there.

Stop texting and watch what happens. If he disappears, he didn’t lose interest but never had enough of it to begin with.

The man who’s actually into you will notice the silence. He’ll reach out and make a plan to see you.

SEE ALSO: Is He Really Busy or Not Interested? (12 Ways to Tell)

You can measure his interest better

When you’re always texting first, you feel connected because the conversation is happening. But you’re the one making it happen. That doesn’t mean he’s putting in effort, too.

When you stop initiating, notice how long it takes him to reach out and whether he does so with effort or sends a low-effort “hey” three days later.

If he reaches out within a day or two with something thoughtful like a plan, that’s a man who noticed and cared. If you don’t hear from him for a week, or his version of reaching out is “wyd” at midnight, you have your answer.

It creates a better relationship dynamic

Relationships where one person does all the initiating aren’t balanced and build resentment over time.

The pattern you set in early dating tends to stick. If he learns from the start that you’ll always be the one reaching out, that becomes the baseline. Good luck trying to change it six months in.

You’re not just setting a tone for how he texts you. You’re setting a tone for the entire relationship — who plans dates, brings up problems, and puts in the emotional effort. All of it traces back to what you accepted in the beginning.

SEE ALSO: Why Do You Always End Up In Situationships? (And How To Stop)

Lean Back and Watch What Happens

Most dating disappointments I experienced so far were a result of me ignoring signs a guy wasn’t that into me. Texting was a big part of that.

If you’re doing the heavy lifting in initiating conversations, it’s highly likely you’re pursuing a guy who doesn’t see you as someone he wants to be with.

Trust me, once you meet someone who is excited about getting to know you, you won’t have to do much. In the meantime, kick your “texting first” habit to the curb.