A Quick Guide For How To Raise Your Standards As A Woman

Growing up, most women are raised to be amenable and accommodating.

The needs of everyone else come before our own. So, we believe that having high standards is the same as being demanding.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Learning how to raise your standards as a woman is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Standards allow you to live a life you enjoy, instead of a life you settled for.

High standards mean you get to have relationships with people who appreciate you, rather than treat you like an option.

But raising your standards is a bigger challenge than it seems. Old habits die hard. You might feel overcome with guilt when you act in a way that prioritizes you.

If you want to upgrade your life, you’ll have to dedicate yourself to raising your standards and avoid slipping back into your old ways when being a new version of yourself gets too uncomfortable.

Because that’s exactly what raising your standards means – becoming a different you.

1. Understand where you feel stuck

The first step to raising your standards as a woman is understanding which area of your life you want to improve.

Is it your career or relationships? Or health? Or maybe all three?

You might be experiencing a general sense of dissatisfaction with your life but there’s always a specific cause at play. Using journaling prompts can help you discover what they are.

2. Be honest with yourself

Human beings have the tendency to blame everyone else but themselves for their unhappiness.

But upgrading your standards also means taking a look at the role you play in your own dissatisfaction.

Do you continuously say yes to situationships even though you want a committed relationship?

Do you keep postponing your job hunt even though you’re not happy at your current company?

Complaining can be therapeutic in moderation. But it’s not going to improve your life. What will help is understanding your limiting beliefs and any self-sabotage patterns that keep your standards low.

Maybe your self-esteem is so low that you subconsciously believe you don’t deserve more from life.

These beliefs can be embedded so deeply in your mind that you’re not even aware of them – you might even vehemently disagree with the previous statement and believe you’re confident.

In the past, I struggled with precisely this. I believed I had high self-esteem and that I knew my own worth. But for some reason, that self-esteem never translated into strong boundaries or high standards. Because it was fake.

If you have a hunch that this could also be you, I encourage you to think about the behavior you accept from friends, family, lovers, coworkers, or even strangers.

This will help you understand if there are any subconscious patterns that are preventing you from lifting your standards.

3. Decide what you’re going to change

Abstract goals aren’t going to help you raise your standards, so be specific about the things you’re going to change.

For instance, you could decide that you’ll no longer say yes to last-minute dates or that you’ll make an effort to be more grateful. These changes – no matter how small – will add up over time and result in a happier life.

This is also a good time to read self-help books or get advice from people you admire.

I don’t see this stage as one that you ever “complete” since uncovering subconscious patterns and working on changing them is a long (lifelong, even) process.

Often, reaching a new level in one area of your life opens your eyes to other areas you’d like to change, so you’re never quite done. But that’s what makes this process so exciting!

4. Be disciplined

When we set a new goal, motivation runs high for a few days. But before we know it, we’re back on our BS.

No matter how badly we need change, new habits and ways of thinking need time to stick. In the meantime, we should nurture self-discipline.

Remind yourself why you’re raising your standards in the first place. You can journal about all the ways in which you let yourself down in the past by settling and accepting breadcrumbs.

Going back to your old ways won’t yield better or different results, so don’t trick yourself into believing otherwise.

5. Learn to accept solitude

Solitude is a natural byproduct of raising your standards. However, it can still come as a surprise.

We forget that our low standards allowed people who didn’t have good intentions to enter our lives. Once we change and leave these people behind, we discover that our circle has become smaller.

At this point, many women start to second-guess themselves or return to their old ways. This is a result of having unrealistic expectations of what the process of elevating your standards looks like.

The truth is that high standards are a sifter, filtering out bad influences and superficial relationships.

SEE ALSO: Why We Must Stop Telling Women They Need A Hoe Phase

Once you decide to only engage with people who treat you with kindness and respect, it’s helpful to accept that most people won’t be able to rise to that standard. But, you are rewarded with peace and more meaningful relationships.

A final tip to remember while raising your standards

To prevent yourself from going back to old habits that kept your standards low, try to imagine an elevated version of yourself that you aspire to be.

What does she look like? What are her beliefs? How does she treat others and how do others treat her? What does she do for a living? How does she feel every day?

Then, live every day as if you already were her.

If your elevated self is happy, then try to be more grateful in your daily life – gratitude always results in happiness.

If your elevated self is surrounded by loving people who respect her, then don’t accept less in the present. You get the gist.

Now, go off and create a life you deserve and feel proud of.