Looking For A Serious Relationship? Here’s How To Filter Out Men Who Aren’t

If you’re a heterosexual woman looking for a serious, long-term relationship, there’s a high likelihood you’ve been in the following scenario.

You start dating someone and things are going great. He’s consistent, enthusiastic, and doesn’t display any concerning red flags.

He seems genuinely interested in you as a person, so unlike the people you’ve met so far who only wanted to hook up. You’re both attracted to each other, so after a few weeks of dating, you sleep together.

Once this happens, you expect the relationship to progress further, only for the exact opposite to happen.

He gets flaky. Suddenly, he’s so busy, leaving you on read for days, until you get the message: His intention was never to find a serious relationship. He only wanted to sleep with you and once he got what he wanted, he moved on.

Now, you’re left feeling deceived and disappointed. If sex was all he wanted, why didn’t he just say so?

Instead of wasting time trying to figure out what’s going on inside his head, here’s a better question to ask. How can you filter men like this from your dating pool?

It’s simple – just don’t sleep with them right away.

Waiting to have sex filters out men who pretend they want commitment

A lot of people think it’s controversial to advise women to wait to have sex with a man.

Female sexuality has been repressed for so long that it almost feels wrong to give any kind of advice that implies a period of abstinence.

At the same time, society often promotes hookup culture as empowering women, and many people have a knee-jerk response to a different opinion.

I firmly believe that women should date however they want to and set boundaries that they feel comfortable with.

We all have unique emotional needs and what works for me or another woman might not be the right choice for you.

But if you’re tired of short-term relationships that conveniently fizzle out as soon as you sleep together, I invite you to try a different strategy.

This strategy has nothing to do with controlling female sexual expression.

It’s simply a way for women to spare themselves the disappointment that comes with dating men who aren’t honest about their intentions.

And at a time when a growing number of men are following misogynists like Andrew Tate and adopting abusive manosphere beliefs, women can never be too careful when dating.

Here’s what you can do if you want to quickly filter out men who aren’t looking for a long-term relationship:

1. Be very clear with the men you date that you are not looking to hook up or have a casual relationship

Leave no room for ambiguity when it comes to your boundaries.

If you use dating apps, you can make it clear on your profile that you’re not looking for friends with benefits or any other type of casual relationship.

SEE ALSO: 20 Red Flags When Talking To Someone On A Dating App

It’s also perfectly fine to bring this up even in a first-date setting.

I know you might be tempted to act like a Cool Girl and avoid discussing your needs, but trust me, this is exactly what you should do if you want to avoid commitment-phobes.

2. Be prepared for him to act like he has accepted your boundaries

He might be counting on you to make an exception if he impresses you enough or at the very least, plies you with alcohol.

(I must add an obligatory Not All Men disclaimer here. But I wouldn’t be pointing this out if I hadn’t seen it play out in real life.)

3. Uphold your boundaries and don’t put yourself in situations where you’ll be tempted to sleep with him

Don’t go over to his place and don’t invite him to yours – there are plenty of fun dates you can have outside.

You might also want to avoid alcohol and other substances as they can impair your judgment and make you do things you’ll later regret.

4. Brace yourself for disappointment

When you set a hard boundary regarding sex early on in the dating stage, there’s a big chance he’ll ghost you or slowly fade out of your life.

This can feel really disappointing. But it’s also the point of this entire strategy.

If he disappears once you make it clear you won’t sleep with him right away, then he was never interested in anything serious.

It’s a clear sign that he’s not the right person for you.

If he was, he wouldn’t have an issue with this boundary because he genuinely enjoys your company and wants to get to know you.

5. Don’t lose out hope

It’s discouraging when someone drops off once he realizes you won’t sleep with him, even though he appeared to be really into you.

Your self-esteem takes a hit and you can’t help but wonder if he was pretending the entire time.

But this is the risk that comes with putting yourself out there; it doesn’t mean that every person will lie about their intentions.

Try to avoid becoming overly pessimistic – process your disappointment and anger, but don’t let it linger and turn into resentment.

Shift your perspective, and be thankful that you’ve managed to avoid more severe disappointment by setting this boundary.

Remember how it felt when someone disappeared after you allowed him to have such an intimate experience with you.

Now, you can be proud of yourself for not repeating the same mistake.

Most importantly, this strategy allows you to have more time to go on dates with men who are on the same page as you and don’t resort to manipulation to get what they want.