Obsessing About Being Single? Here’s How To Cope (From Real Therapists)

If you’re obsessing about being single, you’ve either been single for an extended time after your most recent breakup. Or you might not have ever had a serious relationship.

Although many people experience extended singlehood at some point in life, coping with being single is still a topic that brings a lot of shame.

You might feel like there is something wrong with you – even though your rational mind knows this isn’t true.

While it’s okay to feel bummed about your romantic life from time to time, stress and obsession is unhealthy.

First, it could lead you to lower your dating standards just so you aren’t alone.

Second, you could end up spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on exploitative dating coaches or courses that make wild promises they can’t fulfill – because no one can guarantee you a relationship.

And third, you’ll make your life miserable and forget about all the good things you have going for you.

How to Cope with Being Single

So how do we better cope with being single? To find out, I reached out to mental health experts. And as always, got inspired by my own experiences.

1. Understand That Being Single Isn’t an Illness

In most societies, we talk about singlehood as though it’s an illness to be cured.

We assign all sorts of meanings to it – that it’s a sign we’re ugly, unsuccessful, and uninteresting.

But being single isn’t bad or good. It just is.

“Being single can bring up anxiety for some due to societal pressures, fear of loneliness, or internalized beliefs about self-worth being tied to relationship status,” says Mollie Candib, LCSW, psychotherapist and owner of MSC Therapy.

“By reframing perspectives, taking care of one’s self, and spending time in enjoyable ways, individuals can cultivate a sense of confidence and peace while being single. Which will ultimately set them up to be in a better place if they get into a relationship,” advises Candib.

While it’s okay to want a romantic relationship, you shouldn’t take its absence as proof there’s something wrong with you.

This could make you obsessive about “fixing” yourself to attract a partner. You’ll keep digging for faults and forget that you don’t need to be perfect to be loveable.

2. Be Open to the Possibility of Divine Timing

Whether you’re religious or not, you can probably think of at least one event in your life that happened just when the time was right.

Looking back on my life, things always seemed to work out for my highest good – even when I was hopeless. And I believe this is also possible for you.

This doesn’t mean you’ll get everything you want, exactly when you want it.

Sometimes we need to wait for things to fall into place.

Try to release control of how things should happen and what your life should look like.

Having goals is great, but flexibility is needed too.

Sometimes what we think we want is the polar opposite of what we need, but we only realize this in hindsight.

In the meantime, remind yourself of moments in your life when things perfectly clicked into place.

If you can’t think of one, someone in your life probably has a story that could inspire you.

3. Prioritize Fun and Pleasure

We tend to live our lives as though we have an infinite amount of time.

But no one gets a do-over of their past.

So you’re doing yourself a big disservice by allowing unhappiness with one aspect of your life to consume you.

Romantic relationships aren’t the only way to enjoy your life.

Take a moment to consider what you take for granted.

Try to foster more appreciation for every aspect of your life that’s going well, whether it’s health or platonic friendships.

Then, see how you can create even more enjoyment without relying on a romantic relationship.

“You can use this time to invest in yourself. Learn new skills or hobbies you’ve always had interest in. Set goals for your life and focus on the steps to obtain them. Take time to engage in things that bring you joy and fulfillment. When you do this, it can boost your confidence and overall sense of self-worth,” recommends Christina Emmanuel-De Luna, founder and CEO of Rising Hope Therapy.

4. Speak to a Therapist

Speaking to a mental health professional can help with difficult emotions about your relationship status.

But how do you know it’s time to reach out to a therapist?

Christina Emmanuel-De Luna suggests doing so when obsessive thoughts about being single are interfering with your daily life or causing distress. “Therapy can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate these feelings in a healthy way.”

A therapist offers a tailored approach to your unique circumstances.

They’ll help you get to the root of your obsession.

And allow you to understand what you need to feel more confident as a single person.

However, be careful not to confuse therapists with dating coaches.

Unfortunately, social media has become rife with individuals who aren’t mental health professionals but still provide similar services.

Be especially wary of coaches who promise their programs will land you the relationship of your dreams.

They’re likely preying on your insecurities.

While there is a time and place for a dating coach, a therapist is best equipped to help you deal with more complex mental health issues like obsession.

5. Investigate the Narrative and Reframe Your Thoughts

When you have a lot of anxiety about being single, it helps to understand what’s driving the obsession.

These thoughts didn’t come out of nowhere. They are rooted in beliefs – some of which you might not even be aware of.

Olivia Pelts, LMHC, recommends asking yourself the following questions: “What is the narrative that you are telling yourself about being single? What is the story, whether it’s based in truth or fear, that is circling around in your mind about being single and what does that say about you? Does it mean you are ‘less than?’ This is where cultural, religious, and societal expectations come into view alongside the community you are a part of.”

Your obsession might also be caused by more complex and hidden emotions that need to be brought to the surface.

Tyler Nicodem, therapist and owner of Worthy Counseling, explains, “As a therapist, I frequently encounter individuals who fixate on their singleness as a way to avoid confronting deeper feelings of shame, fear, or loneliness. While these emotions may be uncomfortable, they are natural aspects of the human experience that merit attention and exploration.”

Take Time to Learn to Cope with Being Single

Some people find singlehood more difficult than others. So don’t shame yourself for struggling.

While you shouldn’t dwell on these difficult feelings for too long, don’t try to bulldoze past them either.

Give yourself enough time to experience these emotions and understand what they’re trying to tell you. No one likes to sit in discomfort, but sometimes that’s precisely what we need to finally free ourselves from it.