5 Real Stages of Breakup for a Dumper

If you’re reading this, you’ve either been dumped and want to know what your ex is going through. Or you initiated the break up, and need to know what to expect in the upcoming months.

The stages of breakup for a dumper start off more or less the same, but start to diverge a few months in depending on whether they regret the breakup.

Since I was the dumper a couple of times in my previous relationships, I have a good idea of what you or your ex might be going through. Let’s break it down.

Disclaimer: This blog post was written by a real human being (me!), not AI.

1. Relief and maybe some mild shock

When you end a relationship, the first breakup stage is relief. You’re happy that it’s over and that your relationship issues aren’t constantly on your mind anymore. The decision has been made and now you can focus that mental energy somewhere else.

Ending a relationship is usually not easy. It’s a big decision and in the weeks leading up to it, the dumper might swing between different choices, not knowing what to do. This comes with difficult emotions, and they eat at you from the inside.

But once the breakup happens, the weight falls off your shoulders.

Remember that not all dumpers happily end relationships.

I was in a situation where I had to end a relationship because I could no longer tolerate my ex’s selfish behavior, not because I didn’t love him anymore. Despite multiple conversations, he didn’t care to change, so I had no other choice.

Afterward, the initial emotion was relief combined with shock because I couldn’t believe that we had broken up. In other words, I was relieved the drama was over but I was shocked it happened in the first place.

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2. Enjoying the single life

After a couple of days, the second dumper breakup stage kicks in — the desire to enjoy your newfound freedom.

You want to go out, party, spend time with friends, download a dating app and see what else is out there.

Sometimes the dumper does this because they are truly happy to have their single life back.

But there are cases where this is a distraction from sadness, disappointment, or loneliness. You don’t want to process the relationship ending, so you party to distract yourself.

This stage can last anywhere from a couple of weeks to months.

3. Questioning the decision

If you ended a relationship but still love your ex, the third breakup stage is usually wondering if you made the right call.

You might spend a lot of time thinking about other things you could’ve tried to make the relationship work, replaying conversations in your head, and reminiscing about the good times.

This is normal. You can’t fall out of love overnight, and your mind will make up reasons to get you to question your decision because you still miss your ex.

However, this dumper breakup stage does not happen if you don’t love your ex and were happy to break up with them.

I once ended a relationship where I felt completely trapped and suffocated, and the only breakup stage I went through was relief because I was so happy they were no longer in my life.

I’m telling you this because I see that other content about this topic on the internet feeds women’s delusions about their ex regretting his decision and coming back. Yes, exes sometimes do reach out and try to reconcile but this is not the norm.

Most people who end relationships are sure of their decision and get over the breakup easily.

4. Acceptance and moving on

Most dumpers come to accept their decision after a couple of months and completely move on from the relationship.

Even if you questioned your decision, you understand the relationship had to end and you think less and less about your ex. You might start dating other people and feel ready for a new relationship.

It might sting if you find out your ex is dating someone else, but you won’t obsess over it because you know your breakup was for the best.

5. Regret and trying to reconcile (very rarely)

In some cases, the dumper actually regrets the breakup and realizes they let a good relationship go. This usually happens 6+ months in, when emotions have had time to settle.

A desire to reconcile can also be triggered by seeing a photo of your ex enjoying their life or hearing that they’re dating someone new.

If this happens, you’ll feel the need to reach out to your ex and try to get back together.

But before you do this, get clear on the reasons your relationship ended in the first place and what you’ll do differently this time.

I have never gotten back together with an ex, but I have had loved ones who did, and in most cases the relationship failed a second time. I’m a firm believer that relationships end for a reason, and the same issues resurface a few months after the reconciliation.

Don’t Run From Your Emotions

You might think that because you ended the relationship, you’re not supposed to experience any difficult emotions. But questioning your decision and missing your ex is normal, especially if it was a long-term relationship.

The biggest mistake you could make is to distract yourself from these emotions by drinking, partying, or serial dating. This will just prolong the natural grieving process.

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Learn from my actual dating experiences and get my unfiltered reactions to whatever dating trend is going around this week. All of it lives on my Patreon.

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