Do Men Like to Be Chased? Yes, But You Shouldn’t Do It

You’ve met a guy you think is really cool, and you’re attracted to him. You’ve been dropping hints that you’re interested, you follow each other on social media now, but he still hasn’t made a move. Or maybe you went on one date, it seemed to go well, and then nothing came of it.

Despite your interest, you’re not getting much back, and the not-knowing is starting to get to you. So you start wondering whether you should just pursue him yourself, which brings up a bigger question: do men like to be chased?

Maybe your friends keep telling you to shoot your shot, or you’ve read that modern women should make the first move. So the idea doesn’t feel crazy. It feels like taking control.

It’s one of the most common dating scenarios a woman can find herself in. The short answer is yes, men do like to be chased, but that doesn’t mean you should do it.

Do Men Like to Be Chased?

Yes, most men like being chased. It strokes the ego, and it costs them nothing.

A woman is making them feel wanted and doing all the work to keep things going, so of course it feels good. Who wouldn’t enjoy that?

But him enjoying it doesn’t mean it’s good for you. A man can happily sit back and let you carry the whole relationship without ever feeling the way you want him to feel. Liking the attention and actually being into you are two completely different things.

Why You Shouldn’t Chase Him

Chasing feels productive, like you’re at least doing something instead of waiting around. But it usually works against you, and here’s why:

If he likes you, he’ll pursue you

When a man actually wants you, you don’t need to chase him, because he’ll come after you on his own.

Men are expected to pursue a woman they’re into, and they know it. It’s part of the unspoken script everyone grows up with. A man who likes you will text first, ask you out, and make plans, because that’s how he shows he’s interested.

So if he’s not doing any of that, you already have your answer. He’s not confused about how to reach you. He just isn’t interested enough to bother.

And don’t let the “he’s just really busy” excuse fool you, because everyone is busy. A man who wants you can still finds ten seconds to text and a free evening to see you, when he makes you a priority. Busy is what men say they are to the women they don’t want to make time for.

SEE ALSO: How to Filter Out Men Who Aren’t Serious

Chasing tells you nothing about how he feels

Effort is how you find out whether a man is into you, so when you supply all of it, you take away the only real test you have.

If you plan every date, start every conversation, and keep things alive single-handedly, you’ll never know whether he’d have done any of it on his own.

You’ve made it impossible to tell the difference between a man who wants you and a man who’s just going along with it.

Chasing keeps the wrong men around

Chasing a man who isn’t into you doesn’t push him away, and a lot of the time it keeps him around.

A guy who isn’t that interested will still go on dates with you, sleep with you, and keep you in his life, because you’ve made it easy for him. He doesn’t have to put in any effort, so why would he turn down free attention and company?

But don’t mistake him sticking around for him wanting you. The same man would happily chase a woman he actually liked. With you, he’s just comfortable. You’re convenient.

This is how women lose months, sometimes years, to situationships with men who were never going to commit. The relationship never really starts, but it never quite ends either, because he has no reason to walk away from something that asks nothing of him.

SEE ALSO: Why You Keep Ending Up In Situationships

What to Do Instead of Chasing a Guy

Instead of chasing a man, do this:

Stop initiating and see what happens

Stop being the one who carries the whole relationship. Quit double-texting, planning every hangout, and keeping a dying conversation on life support.

Then pay attention to what’s left when you’re not holding it together. If he steps up and starts reaching out, great. If everything goes quiet, that silence is your answer.

Letting the relationship go quiet feels unbearable at first, especially when you could so easily send one more text and keep things going. Sit with the discomfort anyway, because this is exactly what illuminates the truth of your relationship.

Don’t spiral when he doesn’t reach out

When you stop chasing and he still doesn’t come forward, it stings, and the urge to spiral is strong. Don’t give in to it.

Don’t sit there refreshing his Instagram or tracking every story he posts, and don’t post passive-aggressive stories of your own hoping he’ll see them and respond. None of that brings him back, and all of it keeps you stuck on a man who isn’t choosing you.

Go do something else instead. Distract yourself, see your friends, and put your energy somewhere worthwhile.

And whatever you do, don’t:

• Talk yourself into thinking that maybe he’s just shy (men aren’t shy about the women they want)
• Let your friends or some article online convince you that you just need to try harder
• Read his bare-minimum replies as secret interest
• Invent reasons to text him or run into him

I’ve been on the wrong side of this myself. A few years ago I went on a date with a guy I met at an event, and I thought it went great. He didn’t reach out afterward, so I told myself he was probably just busy. I casually texted him an article about something we’d talked about, hoping it would start a conversation, and it didn’t really go anywhere.

I initiated the second date too. Which turned into a couple of months of slow, drawn-out dating where he was clearly just bored and looking for someone to pass the time with. He wasn’t into me. He was happy to let me do all the work while he decided whether anything better came along.

Here’s what I wish I’d accepted sooner: If he had wanted me, the texting and the planning wouldn’t have all been on me.

So when a man isn’t interested, accept it. Yes, it bruises your ego. But you’ll be fine, and you’ll find someone who likes you for who you are instead of someone you had to talk into it.

SEE ALSO: How to Embrace Black Cat Energy

Chasing a man might get you his time, but it won’t get you his interest. The most you’ll get is a guy who tolerates the attention while keeping one eye out for something better.

Being pursued is the opposite. A man who chases you has already decided you’re worth the effort. Stop doing the work that’s meant to tell you how he feels, and let him show you instead.