Dating Intentionally vs. Dating Casually: How to Tell the Difference?

Understanding the intentions of the person you’re dating is crucial, especially if you’re seeking a committed relationship. Many women, regardless of their age, desire a serious, committed partnership. They may even hope to get married.

But unfortunately, they often find themselves dating men who are only interested in casual relationships. This mismatch can lead to disappointment when they realize the man they’re seeing doesn’t want anything serious.

How do you tell the difference between someone who is dating intentionally versus dating casually? (Intentionally means with the goal of finding a long-term partner.)

First, you must learn to recognize certain signs and behaviors.

In this blog post, we’ll explore ways to distinguish between someone who is dating casually and someone who is dating with the intention of a serious relationship.

1. You Go Out On Dates Consistently

Consistent dates are one of the most important signs that a man is interested in a serious relationship.

Whether it’s a dinner date, a visit to a museum, or another activity, he proactively communicates his desire to spend time with you. You never have to wonder when you’ll see him next because his communication is clear and regular.

How often you communicate depends on personalities and schedules—you might text daily or have a call every other day—but the key is consistency. This shows that he is genuinely interested in getting to know you.

In contrast, a man who is dating casually will not be as consistent. He might reach out once or twice a week, then disappear for a while, only to pop up again with plans after a couple of weeks. In the meantime, he might be breadcrumbing you with sporadic texts.

This inconsistency leads to confusion, which is always a red flag when dating. If you often feel confused about his intentions, it’s likely that he isn’t looking for a serious relationship.

Men who date casually may be seeing multiple people and won’t prioritize you. If you don’t feel like a priority, it’s a strong sign that he’s not interested in a committed relationship, and you should move on.

2. The Relationship Gets More Serious After Physical Intimacy

Another key indicator that a man is interested in a serious relationship is how he behaves after you become physically intimate.

If his behavior does not change for the worse after you sleep together, it’s a positive sign.

When someone is genuinely interested in a serious relationship, becoming physically intimate won’t cause your relationship to regress. Instead, you will feel closer and want to spend more time together. And the relationship will progress towards more commitment and intimacy.

Unfortunately, many women have experienced situations where, after a month of consistent dating, a man changes his behavior once they sleep together. Suddenly, he’s making excuses about being busy at work, taking longer to text back, not answering calls, and you feel used and frustrated.

These scenarios happen because some men pretend to want a serious relationship just to sleep with you.

Once they’ve achieved their goal, they lose interest and move on, as they were only interested in the chase and your body.

To avoid this disappointment, consider delaying physical intimacy for at least two to three months. And tell him clearly you are only going to be intimate with someone you’re in a committed relationship with.

This approach helps deter those who aren’t serious about you. Because a person who also wants a serious relationship will happily respect your boundaries.

3. You Are Making Plans Together

If you’ve been seeing someone for a few months, they will begin hinting at activities you can do together in the future. This usually means they are dating intentionally.

A man who is serious about your relationship will want to show that you’re a part of his world. He’ll introduce you to his friends and family. He’ll also want to share experiences with you, like traveling or attending events together.

These actions demonstrate his genuine interest in making you a part of his life, rather than an accessory.

However, be cautious of future faking. This is a manipulative tactic where someone makes grand promises about the future early in the relationship without following through. The false promises create an illusion of security and commitment, and keep you emotionally invested.

For example, if he keeps promising to introduce you to his family, but then the meeting never happens, it could mean he’s future faking you.

4. He Doesn’t Warn You About Himself

A man who is dating with the intention of a serious relationship doesn’t make statements designed to put you off or warn you about his future behavior.

For example, he will never tell you he’s still not over his ex-girlfriend or that he’s afraid he’ll hurt you.

Such statements are often preemptive excuses to justify future actions that could harm the relationship. That way, he can say “It’s not like I didn’t warn you!”

Someone who is intentional about being in a relationship will aim to present his best self. This person wants to build a strong foundation with you and will actively avoid doing anything that could jeopardize his chances.

Instead of giving you reasons to doubt his intentions, he will focus on making you feel secure and valued.

He will not plant seeds of doubt about his emotional availability or reliability. He will be consistent in his actions, ensuring his behavior aligns with his words. He won’t make you question his readiness for a serious relationship because he is committed to showing you that he is fully invested in building a future together.

5. Inconvenience Is Not An Issue

Another sign that a man is serious about a relationship is his willingness to face inconvenience to see you or please you.

For example, I read an Instagram comment from a girl who was in a long-distance relationship for a year but only saw her boyfriend twice during that time. Each time, it was because he had a work commitment in her city, making it convenient for him to see her. This is not a serious relationship.

A man who is serious about you will go out of his way to be with you, even if it’s inconvenient. He’ll catch a flight, drive long distances, or do whatever it takes to spend time with you. When someone truly wants to be with you, they’ll make the effort, regardless of the challenges.

Think about it: when you really want to be with someone, you’ll grit your teeth and make the drive, book the flight, or get on a train to see them.

If a man isn’t willing to do the same, it’s a strong indication that you might just be a convenience to him. He could be dating you to pass the time or texting you just to have someone to talk to, without any serious intentions.

Be cautious not to fall into a relationship where you are only a convenience. A man who wants to commit will prioritize spending time with you, even when it’s not easy – because you’re worth the effort.

6. It Feels Safe To Be Authentic

Once you get through the get-to-know-you phase, a key indicator of commitment is that your communication feels completely authentic.

You don’t worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. The conversations feel comfortable and familiar, like you’ve known each other for a long time. You call or text whenever you want. And when you spend time together, you won’t feel like your partner is judging you.

In contrast, a man who is casually dating will often pull back to make you chase him. He’ll create a dynamic where you feel uncertain and have to second-guess your words and actions. In his presence, you might feel anxious and behave completely differently than with your friends and family.