Dating – Page 3 – A Glass Box Of Emotion

Have you ever found yourself swept off your feet by someone who paints a vivid picture of a future together, only to later realize those promises were nothing but empty words? If so, you've encountered future faking—a manipulative tactic used by people who want to exploit your emotions for their own gain. What Is Future Faking? Future faking involves making grandiose promises about the future to manipulate someone in the present. Narcissists and other manipulative personalities often use this tactic to create an illusion of deep connection and commitment. By distorting reality, they make you believe the relationship is more profound than it actually is, compelling you to meet their immediate desires. Imagine this scenario: You’ve just started dating someone new. By the third date, they’re already discussing vacations, meeting families, and other milestones that typically unfold over several months. Initially, you might feel flattered and excited that you finally found someone who wants to commit. But as time passes, you realize these promises were never meant to be kept. This is future faking in action. The broken promises of future faking almost always target your heart’s deepest desires, like financial stability, love, and intimacy. Most people would never make such serious promises without intending to fulfill them, so you're more likely to believe you have a special connection with each other. And give in to the future-faker's demands. What Are The Signs Of Future Faking? Here are a couple of indicators that will help you recognize future faking: 1. Rapid progression Relationships naturally progress at their own pace. However, if someone is declaring love or planning elaborate trips within days of meeting you, it’s a red flag. The real world isn't a romcom where relationships unfold super fast. In fact, these cases are pretty rare in real life—so feel free to hit the brakes whenever someone is trying to rush the initial stages of dating. 2. Exagarrated declarations Manipulators use grandiose statements to create a fairytale-like atmosphere. Lovebombing phrases like “I’ve never felt this way before” or “We’re soulmates” are common tools in their arsenal. When this happens, don't be afraid to point out the fact that you barely know each other. This doesn't mean you are unromantic or have intimacy issues. It just means you have common sense. 3. Avoidance of accountability Narcissists and other types of manipulative people can't take responsibility for their actions. If you try to start a conversation about their hurtful behavior, they will either shift the blame on you or deny any wrongdoing. By the end of the conversation, you'll be exhausted and frustrated. Because you haven't gotten any answers or acknowledgment of their bad behavior. 4. Sudden behavioral changes Future faking doesn't last forever. It's followed by a sudden switch in behavior—the future-faker goes from loving and affectionate to cold and dismissive. The change might come after you question their wild promises and plans for the future. Or, after they get what they wanted from you and now want to move on to their next target. At this stage, it's important to remember that there's nothing you could've done differently. The outcome would've been the same. The future faker's behavior isn't a reflection of you as a person. It doesn't mean you're unloveable, it just means that a manipulative person took advantage of your trust. Future Faking Outside of Romantic Relationships As one of the forms of coercive control, future faking can manifest whenever you're dealing with a manipulative person or a malignant narcissist. Family members might lie to you about providing financial support or offering to help you with something important in the future just to get you to comply with their wishes in the present. A manager might dangle the prospect of a promotion to encourage extra work, without any real intention of following through. How To Respond To Future Faking When you realize that someone is future faking you, your first instinct is probably to confront them with the facts and get some answers. But when you recognize future faking, the best response is often to not respond. Attempting to reason with a manipulator rarely results in an honest dialogue. Instead, consider ending the relationship. This might seem harsh, but prioritizing your well-being is crucial. If this were happening to a friend of yours, you’d probably advise your friend to leave. Now, you need to be that friend to yourself and act in your best interest. Denying the reality of the situation so that you can continue to engage in this fantasy relationship will only make you happy in the short term. But are you willing to hurt your happiness in the long term just to enjoy some temporary and dishonest affection? Hopefully, the answer is no. If you're unable to go no contact, or if the future faking is happening in a non-romantic setting, try the following: Speaking to a mental health professional. When the person starts making spectacular future plans, ask for details. If it's safe to do so, let them know you're aware of what they're doing. Do not give in to their manipulative tendencies. Why Do People Future Fake? To people used to healthy relationships, future faking might seem irrational. Why would someone make promises they have no intention of keeping? Natalie Lue, a relationship expert, explains that individuals who engage in future faking often do so to appear legitimate because they might be aware (on some level) that they lack genuine sincerity. Future faking is also often linked to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) because narcissists find it hard to distinguish between sincerity and insincerity. They don’t see a problem with promising you the world one day and then flaking out on you the next. However, this doesn’t mean that every person who future fakes also has NPD. Like breadcrumbing, the future faking strategy is a type of manipulation that can appear on its own. How To Avoid Future Faking While there is nothing you can do to completely avoid future fakers, you can set strong boundaries and high standards that will make it less likely you'll be tricked by them. Control your assumptions: Avoid assuming a new relationship means more than it does. For instance, if someone quickly wants to introduce you to their parents, recognize it as a potential red flag rather than a sign of commitment. Trust your instincts: Listen to your intuition. If something feels off, it likely is. Trust your gut to guide you away from potentially harmful situations and don’t fall back into your self-abandoning behavior. Communicate clearly: Don’t shy away from expressing discomfort. If someone’s actions make you uneasy, voice your concerns and stick to your boundaries. Avoid fantasizing: Stay grounded in reality. While it’s natural to dream about your potential relationship with this person, ensure your fantasies don’t blind you to red flags. Trust actions over words: Pay attention to consistency between someone’s words and actions. Discrepancies are a common sign of manipulation. So the next time you come across someone who seems to be in a rush to fast-forward through the initial stages of a relationship, pause and take a step back. Remember that everyone can talk a good game but few will actually match their actions with their words, so staying level-headed is key to avoiding heartbreak and disappointment. Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it on your favorite social media platform. You can also connect with me on Instagram and Pinterest.