My Boyfriend Doesn’t Take Me on Dates: What to Do

You can’t remember the last time your boyfriend actually planned a date. Netflix on the couch has become the default, and you’re not asking for a weekend in Paris. You’d be happy with a dinner reservation he made himself, or anything that took five minutes of thought.

Meanwhile, your friends are going out every weekend with their boyfriends, and your feed is full of women posting about the cute dates their partners planned. You can’t help comparing it to your own relationship.

You’re right to notice. Dates aren’t a luxury, and wanting to feel special is a normal thing to want from the person you’re with.

So if your boyfriend doesn’t take you on dates, what does it mean, and what should you do about it?

What It Means When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Take You on Dates

When your boyfriend doesn’t take you on dates, it tells you how much effort he thinks the relationship is worth.

When your partner plans a date, it means he thought about you and wanted to do something nice for the two of you. When that stops, or when it never happened in the first place, that means he’s not prioritizing the relationship.

However, I must add a caveat here that a man who used to make an effort and got lazy is a completely different situation from a man who never made the effort at all. So before you do anything, be honest about which one you’re dealing with.

A man’s willingness to put in effort is one of the clearest signs of how he really feels about you.

SEE ALSO: 9 Green Flags in a Guy

If he used to plan dates and stopped

If your boyfriend used to take you out and the dates slowly disappeared, it usually happens due to complacency.

He’s settled into the relationship and decided it runs fine on its own, so he stopped putting in the effort he used to. Sometimes work or stress is part of it, and sometimes he figures you’d tell him if something was wrong, so your silence makes him think everything’s fine.

None of that makes it okay, but it does mean you can fix it. Tell him you’re not happy, that he’s stopped planning anything, and that you’re the one doing all the work to keep things interesting. Then pay attention to what he does next.

If he’s never really taken you out

If your boyfriend has never really taken you out, you’re in a much trickier spot, and it’s going to be harder to turn around.

The way a man treats you at the start is usually the best he’s ever going to treat you. Early on is when men want to impress you, so that’s when the effort should be at its highest. If he didn’t bother to take you on real dates back then, and the relationship was basically his couch from the beginning, that’s your answer.

Waiting around for that to change will cost you time you won’t get back. Why would he start now? He already got the whole relationship without ever taking you out or working for you.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Won’t Take You on Dates

Here’s what you can do when your boyfriend never plans anything:

Say it directly instead of dropping hints

Hints don’t work. “It’d be nice to go out sometime” is too easy for him to agree with and then forget about.

Tell him exactly what you want instead. Say you want to go on real dates, that you miss being taken out, and that you want him to plan something for the two of you.

A guy who’s just gotten comfortable can hear that and step up, but a guy who never made the effort might treat it like a chore. Either way, how he responds tells you a lot.

Stop being the one who plans everything

If you’ve turned into the one who organizes every single outing, stop.

When you overcompensate in relationships and plan everything, he has no reason to bother, because you’re already handling it for him. On top of that, you start building resentment that quietly eats away at the relationship.

So stop covering for him. Pull back for a couple of weeks and see whether he does anything.

Watch what he does after

Anyone can say “you’re right, I’ll do better” the morning after a hard conversation. What counts is the next couple of weeks.

Did he actually plan something? Did he follow through without you having to manage every step? Or did everything slide straight back to the couch like you never talked at all? Believe what he does, not the apology.

While you’re watching his behavior, don’t:

• Post passive-aggressive stories hoping he’ll see them and get the hint
• Keep score in your head while saying nothing and getting angrier
• Let “I’m just bad at planning” become a permanent excuse

Decide what you’ll do if nothing changes

Be honest with yourself, because a lot of women are unhappy with their partner’s lack of initiative but aren’t willing to leave.

If you’ve told him what you want, stopped doing all the work, had the conversation, and he still won’t take you out, he’s already shown you what he’s willing to give. No better wording is going to fix that.

The only question left is whether you’re willing to stay with someone who doesn’t care about your happiness and can’t do the bare minimum.

Not Planning Dates Is a Symptom of a Bigger Problem

The issue of your boyfriend not planning dates usually goes a lot deeper.

For example, he doesn’t make you feel special on your birthday. You never get an anniversary present. He does nothing for you on Valentine’s Day. And if you have kids with this man, you can expect he won’t do anything for you on Mother’s Day either. He’s never going to make you feel special, and that’s a huge problem.

The dates themselves are just a symptom. The real issue is that he doesn’t care to put in the effort to do things that bring you joy.

And trust me, there are men out there who will. To them, it feels good to see that they’ve made you happy, whether that’s a dinner reservation, a trip to the movies, a bunch of flowers, or something nice you weren’t expecting.

If you’re with a man who doesn’t already do those things, it’s very hard to make him start. Don’t waste your time trying to teach him. It’s a lot easier to find a man who already has these traits than to turn someone into a man who does.