Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Compliment You: How to Deal With It

If your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, it’s normal to feel some type of way about it.

Romantic relationships are, in part, built on physical attraction. Finding your partner attractive is key to sexual desire, healthy intimacy, and emotional security in the relationship. And compliments are a way of expressing that.

When compliments are missing from your relationship, it could make you feel insecure or question your boyfriend’s commitment. I’ll break down how to deal with this situation below.

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First, Get the Relationship Context Right

The reasons your boyfriend doesn’t give you compliments could all be different depending on your relationship context. Here are a couple of common scenarios:

1. It’s a new relationship: It’s possible he isn’t used to giving people compliments
2. He used to, but now he’s stopped: He might have checked out of the relationship, gotten complacent, or is struggling with something that is taking all of his attention
3. Your appearance has changed: This might sound harsh, but if you changed your appearance recently, he might struggle with feeling attracted to you

You should also ask yourself if your relationship has any other red flags. For example, you might be spending less time together, arguing more, or feel like the relationship has lost its spark.

This will help you figure out whether your relationship is genuinely in trouble or if you’re just dating a guy who struggles to verbalize his attraction.

How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About His Lack of Compliments

Whenever you have a relationship problem to discuss, there are two ways to enter that conversation:

• On the offensive, making accusations and assumptions
• Calmly, by asking open-ended questions

Regardless of your relationship context, it’s best to start this conversation by asking something like: “I noticed you never give me any compliments. Is there a reason?”

Knowing men, he might shrug his shoulders and say, “I don’t know/I didn’t notice/I don’t know why this is important” or something else that is equally unhelpful.

This is when you clearly state your expectations. “Compliments make me feel desired, and it’s important for me to hear that you find me attractive. I’d like for you to compliment me more often.”

Now, if you’re in a relationship with a good guy who prioritizes your happiness, he’s not going to argue with you about this. He’ll hear what you said, and he’ll start complimenting you.

For example, early on in my current relationship, I noticed my boyfriend did not give me a lot of compliments. He clearly found me attractive, but he was not verbalizing it. I brought this up, and he changed his behavior almost immediately.

But if your man is a self-centered asshole, he might turn this into an argument about how you’re too demanding, needy, or high-maintenance. (Reminder: People can’t be high-maintenance. We’re not appliances.) Don’t let him trick you into feeling like you’re expecting too much.

In fact, getting compliments from your boyfriend is the bare minimum. And you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t think twice about verbalizing his attraction and admiration for you.

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What to Do When Compliments Are Just the Tip of the Iceberg

If your boyfriend’s lack of compliments isn’t just a communication issue, but part of a bigger batch of relationship problems, then talking about just the compliments won’t help.

For example, he might be following Instagram models, spending more time away from you, and no longer initiating in the bedroom. This points to a much larger issue — your entire relationship could be in crisis mode.

In this case, spend some time reflecting on all the different problems you’ve noticed in your relationship. Try to understand when they started and if you’ve contributed in any way. Then, have an honest discussion about the bigger issue you’re facing, rather than just his lack of verbal affection.