Boyfriend Didn’t Get You Anything for Your Birthday? What To Do

Your birthday came and went, and your boyfriend didn’t get you a gift. Naturally, you’re upset, disappointed, and wondering how to bring it up with him.

There could also be a part of you that wonders if you’re overreacting, especially if your relationship is new.

Maybe he did something nice for your birthday, like cooking a tasty dinner or taking you out, that makes you think he assumed that would be the gift.

So let’s break down what this means and what you should do.

You Deserve to be Upset About Your Boyfriend Not Getting You a Birthday Gift

The fact that your boyfriend didn’t get you a birthday gift is a BIG DEAL.

Please shut down every voice in your mind telling you otherwise. You are NOT high-maintenance, demanding, or materialistic for expecting a gift on your effing birthday.

Birthdays, like Christmas, are a special occasion. Everyone close to you (unless they belong to a religion that does not celebrate birthdays) knows they’re supposed to buy a present to make you feel special.

It’s common sense.

So the fact that he didn’t do this means he really doesn’t care about you that much. Or he has no idea how to treat a loved one properly. Both are bad news.

No, You Don’t Need to “Communicate” About Wanting a Birthday Gift

Like I said, buying a loved one a birthday present is common sense. You don’t need to have a whole conversation about it where you outline your expectations because it’s silly — your boyfriend is not a child, and neither are you.

However, if you’re only a couple of weeks into your relationship, an expensive gift might be considered too much.

So it’s totally okay if he gets you something thoughtful to celebrate (like a nice bouquet, a gift card to a spa, etc.) without seeming like he’s trying to lovebomb you.

But if you’re already a couple of months into your relationship, there’s no excuse. He should know better.

When I was in my 20s, I had an ex who only got me chocolates for my birthday, even though we had been in a relationship for quite some time. I was upset because he clearly had money for other things. But I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to start a fight or seem too demanding.

So I kept my mouth shut and hoped he’d change. To no one’s surprise, he didn’t. He just wasn’t the type of guy who knew how to treat a woman and make her feel special. And this is not an isolated case.

But there are men out there who are absolutely willing to make your birthday amazing, buy a thoughtful gift, and not think twice about it.

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What to Do in This Situation

When your boyfriend doesn’t get you anything for your birthday, you can do this:

• Sit him down and be very direct about your feelings. For example: “Yesterday was my birthday, but you didn’t get me a gift. What happened?” This allows him to explain (your gift might be on the way) without feeling attacked.
• If he says he forgot or didn’t think you cared, you can say something like: “I’m really disappointed and upset. I expect my boyfriend to care enough about my birthday to get me a gift.”
• At this point, he will either try to make it right or make more excuses. He might also try the old “you’re so materialistic” move, but don’t fall for it. I highly doubt you asked for a Birkin, and even if you did, I’m sure you are dating someone who could actually afford it.

Depending on how this conversation goes, you should have a good idea of whether this man is worth staying with.

How You Do One Thing is How You Do Everything

We live in a patriarchal world that constantly tries to gaslight women into accepting poor behavior from men. This includes telling women that birthdays aren’t a big deal, gifts aren’t everything, blah blah blah.

But how a man behaves on your birthday is a big indicator of how he’s going to treat every other major occasion in your life.

And I’d argue that this also says a lot about how much he values and appreciates you.

If he doesn’t think birthdays warrant a gift, then he’s a stingy person who will also skip gifts on anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and every other special event.

Do you really want to call this type of man your man?

I don’t think you do. I think you deserve someone who celebrates you and loves to make you happy. Gifts are an important part of that, and don’t let anyone (especially people with low relationship standards) convince you otherwise.