How Do You Set Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex?

Have you recently left a relationship and are considering staying friends with your ex?

It’s understandable to have conflicting feelings about maintaining a friendship with someone who was once an important part of your life.

Before embarking on this journey, you should establish healthy boundaries for being friends with an ex. Let’s look at some tips for setting those boundaries.

1. Understand why you want to stay friends

Transitioning from a romantic to a platonic relationship sounds great on paper. But in practice, it often doesn’t work out.

This happens because people aren’t honest with themselves about their intentions for the friendship.

Some people secretly hope that they will rekindle the relationship in the future, and staying friends with their ex is a way to keep them in their life until the reconciliation.

For others, the thought of their ex leaving their life completely is just too painful, so they try to avoid it by being friends.

Friendships based on deceit and delusion are doomed to fail. If you haven’t processed your breakup and still have feelings for your ex, it’s better to go your separate ways.

Block your ex if you have to, and give yourself time and space to move on. While it might be more painful in the short term, this decision is the healthiest for your emotional wellbeing.

2. Process any lingering anger

If your breakup wasn’t amicable and left you feeling angry, you shouldn’t dive into a friendship without processing the anger first.

You can’t expect to have a healthy friendship without dealing with the anger first. This only creates resentment.

Saying “I forgive you” won’t magically erase your anger. You must allow yourself to feel it and express it (whether through writing, therapy, or another way that works best for you).

Don’t rush yourself, either. It takes time to process such heavy emotions and it might take months before you’re ready to be in the same room together.

3. Set clear expectations

Be honest about what you want from the friendship right away.

If you’re happy to see each other only once every couple of months, then let them know.

You might also decide that you’re only comfortable spending time together in a group, without any one-on-one outings.

Also, be prepared for this boundary to change when one of you enters a new relationship.

Not everyone is comfortable with their partner spending time with their ex, so you might find that your friendship fizzles out.

4. Stay out of their love life

Even if you are completely over your relationship, it’s important to set a hard boundary regarding your ex’s love life.

Your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend might not appreciate the two of you discussing their relationship.

Staying out of their love life will spare everyone involved from unnecessary drama and you’ll be able to have a happier friendship.

5. Avoid being friends with benefits

You might think this is common sense, but people make bad decisions when they’re horny and lonely.

Sure, sleeping with your ex is less risky than hooking up with someone new, but it’s not completely risk-free.

Being intimate with your ex might reignite emotions from the past and undo all the progress you’ve made so far in moving on from your breakup.

So, unless you’ve decided to get back together, you shouldn’t be sleeping together.

6. Be confident in your decision

If you decide that remaining friends works for both of you, trust in yourself and be confident in your decision.

Don’t worry if people don’t approve or understand why you’re still talking.

As long as both parties are comfortable with the arrangement, then there’s nothing wrong with keeping in touch post-breakup.

Just make sure that everyone involved respects each other’s feelings and boundaries throughout the process.