Anger Is A Gift And This Is Why You Should Embrace It

There’s a saying that goes, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” And it is true, as being perpetually angry only contributes to our unhappiness.

On the other hand, anger is also a gift. It is key to our self-preservation. It protects us when others threaten or try to hurt us.

It sends a message: “I know my worth and I will stand up for myself. You don’t get to walk all over me.”

Many women can relate to stifling their anger because they want to keep the peace and avoid being seen as difficult.

We don’t want others to label us as “bitchy”. So we abandon ourselves and our right to be angry… and for what? As it turns out, not much.

Why anger is a gift

As we build relationships with coworkers, friends, family, and romantic partners, there’s a delicate dance at play.

We get a feel of someone else’s personality and understand how they respond to excitement, disappointment, frustration, and a myriad of other emotions.

Meanwhile, our responses help them understand the same. This process is so automatic that we don’t even notice it play out. But since it’s key in building relationship dynamics, you shouldn’t ignore its significance.

There’s a reason why manipulative people are almost always in the company of people-pleasers.

If you ever witnessed a situation where a manipulator butted heads with someone who wouldn’t bend to their will, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s not a pretty scene!

When you rarely speak up for yourself, this sends a signal to abusive and manipulative people in your circle that you’re exactly the type of person they want to have around.

Whether they’re a coworker or someone you’re dating, they’ll know you’re not likely to respond to their disrespectful behavior. And even if you do, they know just how to butter you up to earn forgiveness.

A person who gets angry at disrespect, manipulation, and abuse makes it clear that they have strong boundaries.

They’re not embarrassed to “cause a scene” because standing up for themselves is infinitely more important. They know their worth and ask that others recognize it too.

This doesn’t mean we should justify anger issues. But ignoring the role anger plays in our self-preservation always comes at a cost.

Even delayed anger is good anger

Since I started working on myself and building my confidence, there have been numerous times when I got angry (furious, even) over events in the past that I had let slide.

At first, I was disappointed in myself for allowing myself to become retroactively angry. I had been so focused on healing past resentments and I felt as though I wasn’t making any progress.

When I shared this with a friend, she responded that my delayed anger wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It meant that I finally realized that what had happened to me was not acceptable.

In other words, I had integrated important boundaries that allowed me to recognize manipulation and abuse for what they were – not what I had made them out to be so I wouldn’t have to face the facts.

Dwelling on retroactive anger isn’t helpful, but if you’re a recovering people-pleaser, it’s a sign you’re heading in the right direction.

One thing to remember: when you stop people-pleasing, you’ll naturally experience more conflict in your life.

It doesn’t make you a bad person but a voice in your head might try to guilt-trip you into retracting all your boundaries, so be prepared to fight back!

You’re angry for a reason, so explore it

When I was reading my old diary entries, it didn’t take me long to notice the many times I ignored my anger. Sometimes I’d get this close to figuring it out, only to convince myself I was overreacting.

The next time you get mad, don’t try to stuff it down.

Give yourself a moment before you start making excuses for someone else’s behavior.

Anger is an intense emotion and you might not even understand what precisely made you angry. In this case, journaling can be helpful to organize your thoughts.

It’s okay to take a moment to compose yourself (I recommend it, in fact) but be careful not to talk yourself into letting the situation slide.

Just because you’re no longer angry, it doesn’t mean you’re not upset, so speak up.